Build me up (kickthestickz)

Chapter 6

*Chris POV*

Heaven.

This is what heaven would be like.

Heaven is the slow movement of someone else's lips against your own.

Heaven is being completely content even in a freezing cold park at 1am.

Heaven is here, with Chris Kendall and PJ Liguori and nothing in between.

I smile against his mouth.

We stay like that for a while. I don't ever want to break apart.

He starts mumbling into the kiss. I pull apart gently.

"What is it?" Our foreheads are still touching.

"This is wrong. Everything is wrong. It's all wrong. It's just WRONG!" He snaps his head back. I try to to reach out for him but he recoils. I can feel my heart going crazy in my chest. I don't know how to feel.

No.

No.

Nononononono.

I go to grab his wrist but he's already stood up, his legs shaking. "STOP IT!" He screams. Then he's running, away from the park, away from me.

*PJ POV*

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

What am I doing? Why am I letting him do this to me? I'm meant to fucking dead, for gods sake. Not running around crying and kissing boys.

Oh, fuck. It's so wrong.

Then why am I crying? Why did it mean so much to me? Why do I want to go back and cry to him forever?

I'm shaking uncontrollably as I open my bedroom door. I open drawer after drawer; I can barely see through my shaking tears.

Finally I find it. My fingers brush across the box cutter. Finally. Finally it's over.

I pick it up. I can barely breathe. I start laughing. Finally. Finally it's over.

I trace the box cutter across a vein on my arm. Sink it in. Deep.

There's a rush of activity in my head. You're worthless. Finally, you're getting what you fucking deserve. Everyone was so sick of you. Thank god you're gone!

Then it stills. I plunge the blade in again. The blood pours as relief. I can feel life pulse through me and drain away.

I'm laughing again. The sound gets weaker and weaker and weaker. The circle of blood around my feet grows. Stains blossom like flowers on my shirt.

Finally.

Finally it's over.

*Chris POV*

I freeze in PJ's doorway.

Time fucking stops.

And then my shaking fingers are dialling 999 and I'm crying and swearing and running towards PJ's unconscious body and crying and crying and crying and

And then the ambulance arrives and I'm still crying.

I'm still crying as they carry PJ to the door.

I'm still crying as the ambulance drives away.

And I'm still crying as I realise just what a shit person I am.