One shots

Passive Aggressive Flowers

**Warning: Mature Language**

I sat there manning the register of the parents flower shop, Kabloom. Yup, I know, so clever. My parents have always have always been sappy romantics. They thrive around Valentine's Day, Prom, Mother's Day, any romantic event that requires giving flowers. Huge wedding order? Dozens of corsages and boutonnières need done in two days? They might as well be on vacation they're so happy.

I don't get it. So now I'm assuming you're wondering how they gave birth to a cynical, sarcastic girl like me. Honestly, I have no clue. But here I am and I don't really mind it.

The bell on the door rings alerts me to a customer coming in, but when I look up I see something... strange.

It's a guy.

Not to say guys aren't common here we've always got guys buying flowers for their girlfriends but he wasn't like them. He's around my age. His face is red and there are tears on his face but he doesn't look sad. He looks pissed off as hell.

"Um, are you okay?" I ask him, awkwardly. It's not everyday someone comes in looking pissed, sad maybe if it's a husband looking for a way out of whatever he screwed up but not this.

"How do I tell a girl fuck you with flowers" I smile. This is what I was made for.

"Come with me," I say. I lead him back to the green house we have attached to the back of the shop.

"What's her least favorite color?"

"Dark Purple."

"Okay, so we've got geraniums. We've got some dark purple. They mean stupidity."

"Perfect."

"Orange lilies, my personal favorite. They mean hatred." I see him smirk. "Yellow carnations. They mean 'you have disappointed me'."

"Those definitely qualify."

"Lastly, meadowsweet. We also have dark purple and they mean uselessness. How does a bouquet of those sound"

"Perfect."

I grab enough of each flower to make a nice bouquet out of and lead him back up to the counter.

As I make the bouquet, I ask, "So, what'd she do?" He pauses and looks away.

"I caught her having sex with someone else."

"Yikes," I say. "That sucks."

"Yeah and She has the nerve to say it's my fault. That she's bored in our relationship because I don't do stuff like buy her flowers." I smirk.

"And so you decide to buy her passive aggressive 'I hate you' flowers. I like the way you think. Here I've got the perfect thing to add." I pull out a little, blank, folded up card people use to write notes on. On the bottom of the folded part I put what all the different flowers mean so she'd know how insulted she should be. On the top I wrote:

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You're a dirty cheater,
So these flowers say fuck you"

"Yes! That's great!" He laughs. "Thanks. This has helped me feel way better."

"No problem. Feel free to stop by if you need anymore rude flowers."

"Yeah, no problem. Here." He pulls out another blank card and the pen and writes down a phone number. He gives it to me and says, "I'll tell you how it goes. You seem pretty interested in this."

"Well it's not everyday you have someone buy passive aggressive flowers."
"Well the way you lead me through it you'd think you had people come in for them everyday." I roll my eyes smiling at his sarcasm.

"My name's Ethan by the way."
"I'm Lilly," I say.

"Oh of course. Your parents own a flower shop. Your favorite flowers are lilies. I should've guessed!"

"Shut up," I laugh. "I only like the orange ones. They're cynical just like me."

"Alright, fair enough. I'll see you around, Lilly."
"I'll see you around, Ethan."