Accidentally on Purpose

Misery

           I walked into school on Tuesday morning adjusting my dark sunglasses so no one could see the black eye that hid underneath. Dodging my usual route, I quickly walked the back way to my locker. I hope no one sees me I thought as I walked into homeroom moments before the bell and sat in my seat at the back of the classroom, dodging the glares from the other students in the class. As the teacher droned on about morning announcements and roll call, I felt my phone buzz again for what felt like the hundredth time in the past day and a half. I sighed and finally pulled the phone out and thumbed through the unopened messages, mostly from Armin and Bertholdt questioning my absence from school and practice yesterday. I quickly typed out a small apology and let them know I was here today before moving on to the most recent series of texts, shockingly, from Jean.

            "Bodt!" Instructor Keith yelled in his usual, dramatic tone. "Uh. Here" I replied before shoving my phone back into my backpack. After my third class of the day, it was time for lunch. Instead of joining the rest of the upperclassmen, I went back to my room. I sighed in relief at the empty room before shedding my jacket and the sunglasses and collapsing on my bed with a groan. I was nearly asleep before I heard the bathroom door open. Armin walked out and nearly screamed when he saw me. "I thought you would be at lunch" I said nervously. "I was eating lunch and Sasha and Connie were arguing over the food. They knocked my drink over and it spilled all over my pants" Armin said while rolling his eyes "Do you have a black eye?!" He rushed over to me and grabbed my face in his hands to examine the eye in question. "Marco, what happened? Did someone hurt you?" he gasped. I huffed and removed his hands before turning away from him. " I uh.. I fell getting out of bed yesterday morning" I stuttered while avoiding eye contact and hoping my lie was convincing enough. "Oh okay" Armin said in relief "How was your weekend?" All I could remember was walking into my house on Sunday with thoughts of pure terror. I normally would not let anyone see how bad my dad was. I knew I should not have let Jean see it. "It was okay" I said "Jean and I just worked on our project at our houses. Nothing exciting happened." "Ugh " Armin said "At least you don't have Annie as a partner. Sometimes it's like talking to someone in a coma." We laughed it off and Armin went back to lunch in his now dry outfit.

                    Throughout the day, I tried my hardest to avoid eye contact with my fellow classmates. I heard the bell and quickly rushed into Mr. Levi's class. I sat down in the chair next to Jean's and put my head on the desk to avoid letting anyone look at my eye. I heard a rustling beside as I glanced up to see Jean smiling at me. "Hey man" he said happily "You missed Sasha and Connie falling down the stairs yesterday." I laughed quietly and said, "They're always doing something crazy." We both laughed and settled down for class to start. Why is he being so nice to me? I thought. "Okay class" Levi said while looking obviously annoyed at Sasha as she had fallen asleep, "For your next assignment, I want you all to start keeping a journal. This isn't going to be public or anything, I just want you to write down your thoughts and feelings for each day. I want you to see how getting your feelings out can affect you and your mood. This exercise will help you manage your emotions and see what your general feelings are each day. At the end of the semester, we're going to have a bonfire and you're going to throw your journal into the fire to cast away the negativity." Sasha immediately threw her hand up in the air. "No Sasha" Levi said, "You can not roast marshmallows at the bonfire." Sasha put her head down in complete sadness as she drifted off to sleep again. "This sounds interesting" Jean said. I nodded in agreement as we continued with the rest of the class.

                     The bell rang and the class started gathering their books. Levi blocked the door and yelled, "Don't forget, your current assignment on personality traits is due next week!" We all left the class and headed back to our rooms. As I went up to my door Jean jumped in front of me and asked, "Can we talk?" I instantly knew that he was going to ask about my eye. I avoided the question with, "I need to get my homework done." I tried to slide past Jean and get into my room but I felt a warm hand grab my wrist. I tried to pull away but only succeeded in pushing my sleeve up to reveal a handprint-shaped bruise around my wrist. Noticing this, Jean quickly let go of my arm. He apologized and pulled me into his room. "What happened?" he asked, obviously referring to my eye and bruises. "I-I fell off my bed the other day" I answered avoiding eye contact. "We both know that's a lie" he said in a worried tone, "What happened?" Without hesitating, I started to cry. Jean instantly gained a look of compassion then pulled me up to him in a warm and comforting embrace. All I could feel was two muscular arms wrapped around me as I buried my face into his chest. Tears were streaming from my eyes as I could not stop crying. "I know about your dad" Jean said in a soothing tone, "You can always talk to me about these things. You shouldn't feel like you have no one." As I regained my composure, I pulled away from him and muttered a simple, "Thank you." He walked me through our joined bathroom and into my room as we both sat on the edge of my bed. "Are you okay?" he said, trying to comfort me in the process. "Yes" I said, still sniffling, "I've just never told anyone about my dad. It's embarrassing." "No it isn't" he said, "You should talk to someone about this. Does this happen often?" "No" I said, "He just gets in a mood sometimes and takes it out on me. Just please don't tell anyone about it." "I won't" he said, "I promise." Jean smiled at me as he got up and walked slowly back to his room. I could not believe that I told someone about my situation with my father. It actually felt like a burden was taken away from me as I was not keeping such a big secret anymore.