Accidentally on Purpose

Transparency

                I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week I thought to myself, while sitting with Marco's friend group at lunch. I find it funny that the football team does not even give a second glance at me sitting here instead of with them anymore. I guess they lost interest. I, honestly, prefer these people over them anyways. I have been hanging out with Marco and his friends for over a month and a half now; going to the movies, catching lunch together, and all the random study dates. I actually really like him. He is really fun to hang out with and we get along so well now. Sometimes I feel like I actually like him as more than just a friend, which is weird because I'm not even gay. Besides, he wouldn't even go for a guy like me. He deserves better.

               "Jean. JEAN!" Marco blurted out, breaking me out of my daze, "You should go with us to see the new sci-fi movie about the giants. What is it called? Attack on something.." "I don't know" I said, "I don't want to crash your thing with your friends." "You're going" Mikasa said sternly. "Yeah" Eren said with a laugh, 'If you don't go, your boyfriend over here will be miserable." I blushed as I watched Armin elbow Eren in the arm as Mikasa quickly put her hand over Eren's mouth. I glanced over at Marco who was also blushing at the remark. "Ignore him" he said with a sincere smile "You should come. It'll be a lot of fun. The movie might be lame but I'm sure Sasha and Connie will get scared and scream at some point." "Hey" Sasha said, "I only screamed one time during the last movie we saw." "Sasha" Bertholdt replied, "the last movie we saw was the Children of the Corn." "I thought the movie was about actual corn" Sasha yelled, "I didn't know people were going to get killed!" The whole group exploded in laughter as Sasha laid her head down is embarrassment. "Sure" I laughed, "I'd love to go." Marco smiled as they began discussing other plans that they had. This is what I mean. He's always so kind and genuine, no matter who he's around. "I'm going to throw away my trash" I said, "Are you done with yours, Marco?" "Oh" Marco said hesitantly "yeah I am. Thanks." I reached down and grabbed his tray, then headed towards the back of the lunchroom to the trash cans. As I walked up to the bins, a blonde figure stepped in front of me with a scowl on his face purposely blocking my path. "Um" I muttered, "Sorry Floch, I'll be out of your headquarters in just a few." "Oh. Are you eager to be heading back to your fag and his band of losers?" "Look" I said, "I'm not looking for any confrontation here. Just move." "Whatever fag" he blurted out "Look, just back off" I said, trying to shove past the figure in front of me ."You and your little queer need to watch out." After hearing him insult someone that I care about, I could feel the anger fill up inside of me as I turned around ready to swing, but before I had the chance to, a tall, broad-shouldered man stood in front of me. "Listen kids" said our Vice Principal, Erwin Smith "We don't need to cause a commotion in front of everyone. Forster, come to my office." I watched as Erwin and Floch headed out of the lunchroom, but not before turning around and giving me a death stare. After the two exited the room, I could feel a hundred eyes staring me down. I quickly made my way back to the table, only to be met with the curious stares of my friends except for Marco's who was staring at the floor. "What the hell just happened?" Eren asked. "Nothing" I said, trying to avoid being completely honest about the situation, 'Floch was just being his usual charming self." Marco turned away from me, obviously figuring out that that was not the case. Slowly, the lunchroom conversation started up again, but Marco kept his eyes from meeting mine for the rest of the lunch period.

                 At the end of the day, I was on my way to my dorm when Marco stopped me in the hall outside of the library. "Listen" he said, obviously upset, "You don't have to lie to my friends about what happened. I know what you two were fighting about." I stared at the ground before saying, "I know. I just hate that someone could call you that." "I'm sorry" Marco responded, "You shouldn't have to put up with all of this just to be friends with me." I'm putting up with it because I like you I thought to myself, still questioning my sexuality. "That's what friends are for" I responded instead with a smile, "Anyways, are we all still down for the movie tomorrow night?" "Yes" he said happily, "I'll see you then." I smiled at him before going back to my dorm and packing up my things for the entire week that I have away from school.

               "So, I'm curious" I heard a familiar voice coming from the conjoined bathroom of mine and Marco's dorm. I glanced over and saw a short, blonde boy closing the bathroom door after entering mine and Eren's room. "About?" I questioned him suddenly nervous about what Armin was about to say. "You and Marco" He responded, "At the beginning of the semester, you wouldn't have given him or the rest of us a second glance. Now, all of a sudden, you're constantly ditching the football team for us." Relieved that he did not question my feelings towards Marco, I shrugged and returned to packing my bag, "I don't know. I just think you guys are more fun than the pricks on the football team." "But" Armin said, "You're not hanging out with us, you're hanging out with Marco. You stood up against Floch twice for him now. I think that there's more going on than just a friendship." I looked up, avoiding the glare that I could feel burning into the back of my head from Armin. "I-I don't know" I stuttered, "I'm not gay." Armin chuckled and said, "Right. And I'm 60 meters tall" while rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. I could instantly feel a sense of panic bubbling up inside of me. "L-look just.... D-don't tell Marco. I don't even know for sure. I......I'm confused about this whole thing" I said, trying not to completely come out to Armin, "I've never felt this way before and I'm just trying to figure everything out." Armin walked up to me and with a sincere smile said, "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." Armin left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. What the hell did I just do?