Beauty and the Beast ~ a malec fanfiction

Help Me Understand

"Please don't go."

Alec wasn't entirely sure where it had come from, his sudden sincerity. He'd never felt a feeling that strong before, and he didn't entirely know what to do with it. The only way he wanted to express it was to talk to Magnus about it.

"You say that I don't know anything about you." Alec coughed out. He placed his hands on Magnus' and stared up into his eyes. "Then tell me. Help me understand. You can trust me."

Magnus looked anywhere other than Alec. Alec, he couldn't understand how much trust meant to him. He'd trusted very few people in his life, and some of the few he had had, forgot him or resented him. But then there was Alec. And unfortunately, Magnus knew that if the moment came down to it, he would be willing to risk it all for him.

"How do I know that?" Magnus whispered.

"Do you want me to go first?" Alec suggested. "If I show you how much I trust you, maybe you can learn to trust me."

Magnus just stayed still and silent. Alec sighed and shook his head.

"I was born in Idris, a place not far from here. It was just me and my parents, I didn't have any siblings. I always felt kind of alone in my town. Everyone seemed to be friends with everyone, but myself. No one ever wanted to be friends with me, so I turned to the only other form of entertainment I knew. Books were my salvation. They kept me sane, even if I was the only person in the whole town who actually read them. There was this little book shop right on the outskirts, run by my only real friend, Ragnor Fell." Alec noticed that Magnus flinched at the mention of that name, but he didn't feel the need to question it, so he instead carried on. "He provided me with any books that I needed or wanted, because he knew how I felt, to be alone. I miss him sometimes, because he was so nice to me. He understood me in a way that no one else did. Apart from maybe my parents' friends, Luke and Jocelyn, you know Luke of course. They were always round, they never had any children, so they sought out friendship with my parents.

"But one day, my parents went on a journey. They promised that they'd be back in a week. They promised they'd bring me a present. I was only eight at the time, so I was pretty excited. I waited a week. Then I waited another week. Then a month. It was only then I started to get nervous. Luke and Jocelyn had been looking after me, and eventually I went to ask them where my parents were. That was when they told me... they told me..." Alec stopped and played with his hands for a bit.

"Alexander, you don't have to tell me." Magnus said quietly.

"No, no. I'm okay." Alec shook his head. "That was when they told me that my parents had died, on their journey back. They had disappeared at first, then were found in the woods, dead. It was horrible. I ran away from Luke at first, angry that he didn't tell me right away. So I stayed with Ragnor for a month or so. He was a good man for taking me in, but I don't think he enjoyed my constant presence as much as I enjoyed his. So I had to go back home. Eventually, I started to get used to me and Luke living together; Jocelyn was away a lot of the time with her art, so usually it was just the two of us. But I found after a while that I didn't mind. That maybe, it was what I wanted all along.

"It was around a couple of years after I learned how to live with Luke comfortably when I realised that I was gay. I guess there was someone in the town who I had feelings for, and they made me see, but I can never seem to remember their name..." Alec paused and squeezed his eyes shut. The name was on the tip of his tongue, but it was like his brain wouldn't let him say it. "I don't know, I think it began with J or something, but that's not really important right now. I don't think I understood that being gay was seen as a bad thing until I turned 16. I decided I wanted to be open about who I was, and I stopped making an effort to hide it. This boy, Jonathon... Well, he and his friends weren't the nicest bunch. It was like hell having to live even in the same town as those neanderthals. The followed me around, trying to get a reaction, but I never allowed them the satisfaction. I assumed they would go away eventually, that they'd get bored. Turns out Jonathon isn't that kind of person. Although, it was only the day before I left for here that they actually moved onto physical abuse as well as verbal so you know... that was great." Alec scoffed and rolled his eyes.