Kidding Me

Chapter 11

   I don't even know how to put the thoughts into order of how it happened, let alone the words. There was no scream. That made it worse. So much worse, because I was then able to convince myself I could keep it a secret; Jasper wouldn't know. And also, the silence. The nothingness. This made all of the previous silences sound as golden as the sun that continued its day obliviously. This silence was black.

   Rage and madness over took me, I didn't even hear her come in. "No!". That's all she said. All three of us jumped. Hope backward, me forward... and she jumped into the middle. 

   The floor was hard and freezing. Like ice or an old metal. Surprisingly, I only felt the sharp pain in my hands, adrenalin? No. There was her tiny body in between me and the burn. She had taken the brunt of the fall as well. No, wait, not brunt but all of it. Her body was fragile, fine, glass. And yes, it shattered beneath me. 

   Now I could feel the cold, as I scrambled away from her and stood frozen. I let the noiselessness consume me as I felt the horror shiver through the hollows of my bones. The sent of blood laced the air once more with the images that engraved themselves into my mind, that were to haunt me night after night, day after day.

   The blood started to pool at her head and seep from the cast on her leg. Breath, Breath. I had to get out. So I ran, like the coward I am, away from the problem. You can't run forever. I know that now. 

   The disgusting and pathetic truth was that it wasn't really an overwhelming guilt that I had felt, but fear. I was scared. Scared of who would find out. Other peoples judgment. No searing pain from unjustly ending a six year old's life, no anxiety of the consequences that would effect my future. Only, who would find out? Jasper? My parents? My other friends?

   Yes, I'm disgusting.

   Murderer. The image of her lying on the floor with the halo of blood forming quickly around her, flashes in my mind;  I'm the Murderer now.