Kidding Me

Chapter 18 - The End

In this version of events, I can almost see it coming.

In this version of events, I can remember everything. Every .disappointed look; every dry, defeated eye.

If I hadn't gone for that walk, if I hadn't crossed that street, if I hadn't seen that sign, how different would this be?

In chains, in a barn, in a fire, really? Slightly cliche, and seriously chains, was that necessary Jas?

Should I be angry?

No. I deserved this. That's still the same. I still don't know how he found out, but he did and he decided his peace would be found in the end of me.

I'm a murderer. Where's the injustice of murdering a murderer?

Yes, it was still hard seeing the unforgiving venom in his eyes as he turned away dropping the match from the floor. He just looked so finished. So done.

There's still a hellish inferno of agony licking my toes and dancing ruthlessly around the exposed skin at my ankles, but this time the pain stopped at physical. No unceasing clench of my heart, but there is going to be a ceasing beat of my heart - quite soon...

Dying's no fun.

No one is going to care anyway - No dad, No mum and Jas...

This must be how Jas had felt all his life. A stupid, destroyed Mum; destroyed by the Dad that left before Hope was born.

Hope hated that man, so did Jas.

Arron, my Dad, never liked Jasper...

Hope killed to end someone and something.

What if that's it? What if my Dad was the man that walked out on Jas and his mum and soon-to-be Hope?

Well... That would make me and Jas siblings...

Complicated? That's a word for it.

So this is my story, one way or another, I ended up in a chair surrounded by more flames than people that care about me. It was alright though. I never had it that tough until a couple of months ago, but even that got amazingly better.

The pain is searing through my body at such a rapid rate and looking down all I can see is the faces of Bring Me The Horizon melting off my shirt. MY BAND TOP! It's the band tee Jasper got me for my birthday a month ago. He wouldn't burn this top. How dare he.

We were so happy then. In a bubble of fairy tales pretending life was a prefect paradise. Nothing lasts forever.

Is there peace in death?

Maybe not in the pain, but the memories?

I can feel every vein pumped with dying blood coursing through my body - I feel more alive now than ever.

Life's overrated. Heaven next. I just wish I could have been used to help save more, but I guess this was God's plan.

This all could have been very different. Without what I found that night, my only peace would have been in Jas, and I lost even that.

Jas just looked so... Unaffected.

Yes, he looked slightly hurt, but it felt fake. Like it was more effort to act like he care than it was to drop the stupid match.

Now my body is starting to shut down under the intense gaze of the blazing furnace. It just hurts so bad.

It would be easy to see the match, as the start of this problem and not the end. The way in sucked the colour from the room to focus it on itself and the child like flicker. The flicker that mockingly fell, so tiny, but still a cause of death. The flicker that slowed down time, as it fell from the fingers that carelessly let go. The fingers that were painted to match the colour of my soul.

So, so black.

Wait, what?

Why did Jasper have his fingers painted?

And it kind of sparkled as well. It was cracked - like over a week old, Pound-land nail vanish?

I would have noticed if he had it on days before...

Hope.

Why all the effort?

Actually dressing up as Jasper along with the cliche setting...Why?

To make my death as horrible as her living; or at least as horrible as possible.

This wasn't Jas' peace against his murderer-of-a-friend, it was murderer against murderer peace.

See even killers have some heart, so even killers need peace.

Needing peace doesn't mean your a terrible person or have had to commit a terrible crime...

How you find it decided your 'goodness'.

Goodness is overrated.

So's living.

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--Author's note--

Thanks so much for reading guys

I hope it made sense and you liked it

please vote and comment and read some of my other stuff

love you all

byeeeee

Rachel xxx