Kidding Me

Chapter 14

    It's official. I am an abandoned toy. Previously loved and involved with life, now suddenly bruised and rejected under a sofa. 

   What?

   Is this really where my thoughts are going?

   It could be worse I guess, so, ditched character from Toy Story it is.

   Boredom is literally all my life has amounted to recently. Counting down the days. 19, 21, 25, 27. 27th May. So not really counting - more waiting for them to leave and watching them pass. That's alright though right? I can do this - this being absolutely nothing. No school, school means people and people mean questions. Why do we even go to school in the first place? Oh right, cause our "parents" make us. Well anything remotely close to a support built on love, parental figure of guidance, doesn't or has secede to exist in my life right now. Right when I need something. Anyone. Someone to share anything. Just the slightest time of  the catastrophic iceberg, that happens to be sinking and pulling me down with it. I need to tell. Who can I tell? Who have I ever told? 

   Jas.

   People weren't even joking. You can actually feel the tense pulls of your heart when you think of something to emotional. The power of thoughts.

   I wonder if he's texted again. I deleted all the other texts without looking at them. Maybe I should allow myself one look. It couldn't hurt too much. Wrong again.

*M Ide care u aint replyin now*

*i just need 2 say it*

*it was just the way she was just gone*

*i get how u felt with ur dad. just the sense of the absence of them*

*can i adnit somin*

*somtimes i just start cryin from everythin and nothing*

*Please come back M*

*I cant loose u 2*

   Now I cried.

   And screamed.

   At my phone. My decision. My actions. Even tried to blame the world...

   Then myself. Again and again. Screaming, crying, shouting nonsense at myself, with tears dragging drown my face, staining my pajamas. 

   A quiet beep cut ruffly through my mess. 1 new message. Before any properly formed thought passsed through my mind, I had already opened it. I just don't know when to stop...

   *M! I CAN SEE YOU'VE READ THE TEXTS I THOUGHT U WE'RE DEAD! CALL ME NOW!*

   Well put me in a cowboy hat and call me Andy, 'cause there's defiantly a snake in my boot.

   And it's deadly poisonous.

   Run?

   Running sounds good. Yeah, that's alright. If I run away now nobody will ever have to know. I can just run. Run far far away.

   Don't try telling me it won't work. It won't achieve anything. In this moment, I wasn't about to accept logical thinking.

   I could go somewhere nice - a hidden cove on the south coast, the towering mountains of Wales locked in a good kind of frozen. Or, just down the street. That, right now, is good enough.

    Shrugging on a fluffy lined jacket and jogging bottoms, I heaved open the door. How long had that been closed? As I dodged everything from petals from early blossom to gum and bird pop stains on the litter lined streets, my staring varied their fixations from the tarmac to faces. Faces of men, woman and children. Faces of happiness, mutual and depression.

    All around the park. The guy on the bench with a tie pulled slightly to the right: on the phone. The small blonde girl eating a sandwich laughing: at a blonde boy with a frisbee.

    They all had someone. Everyone was either talking, laughing or even crying on someone else's shoulder. Even the people hurrying in suits had somewhere to be and do and get something out of the day.

    Run?

    Again?

    This exercise can't be healthy.

    I'm so impulsive today. That really can't be good either.

   A black and white picture of a woman's face with a single tear leaving a simmering trail in it's wake caught my attention on my left. 

    ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------

Completely fresh start without cost?

16 Birch lane 7pm Wendneday

------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------

Read the white text on the right side.

   That's all it said.

   I now have somewhere be. Birch Lane. Next Thursday.

   3 days away. I can make that right?