green sweater » jeremike

15

this is my first time writing uhhh deadass anything? creative wise in like two years (cracks knuckles)
im trying to make chapters longer so bare with me folks PLEASE

It was noon on a Saturday, and I was waiting for the call from the doctors to hurry in. I knew that, even if I was approved, the waitlist would probably be long. Reading other transmen's experiences has disappointed and excited me. Disappointed, knowing a lot of men had to wait months to get their first shot. Excited, due to the drastic changes that would really change my body in the way I wanted.

I needed to calm my nerves, I was anxious and chewing my nails down to the pink. I called Mike and waiting for his voice to ring through my speaker.

"Hey." He answered.

"Hi Mikey.." I released an over-exaggerated sigh, "I'm feeling so many emotions right now, it's crazy."

He chuckled, his warm laugh lifting my lips into a smile. "Oh yeah? I bet. Wanna talk about it?"

"Please.." I paused. "I'm confused to start.. As to why my mom came around so suddenly. It's all happened really fast, I really wasn't expecting this."

I lay on my stomach, the comforter beneath me sinking to support me. "I'm also really nervous, even though there's probably no reason to be. I'm sure its safe for me to start I just have this feeling in my gut that, knowing my
luck, something is gonna go wrong. Things just seem too good to be true." Mike hummed, acknowledging my words but letting me continue my vent.

"Then I'm kind of angry.. Just knowing how long the waitlist is. It's weird, and torturous knowing I'll have to wait so long. But god the effects! I've been binge watching voice updates for the past hour! I'm so excited but I'm gonna throw up!" I flipped onto my back and traced the ceiling ridges with my eyes.

"I'm so happy for you Jere, really." Mike replied. "I'm excited for you, you sound so so happy."

"I am! Everything is going just amazing for me lately and absolutely nothing can ruin anything for me right now." I giggled.

"Shut up! You're gonna jinx it, dummy." Mike joked.

"You're right, sorry." I paused. "..How are you doing?"

"Fine, why?" Mike answered.

"Can I not check up on my boyfriend? It's been really centered around me lately. I want to know how you feel." Concern laced my
voice.

"I'm just happy for you, Jeremy." He answered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I sighed. "You sound way too formal to be okay. Please, we can talk about anything you want. I just said nothing can ruin my mood, I can focus on you for hours if I need to." Mike didn't answer right away.

"I don't know.. I just worry about things too much." Mike finally started. "About other people, more specifically I guess."

"Stop being wishy washy, please talk to me." I spoke softly.

"You're right, yeah. Sorry." Mike took a deep breath. "I feel like I shouldn't feel the way I do. I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you in a way I guess. I shouldn't be depressed when you're going through one of the best things someone trans can go through. I shouldn't be depressed at all, I'm the dominant one. I feel like a pussy sometimes."