paint || c.h

regret

maybe the reason i shouldn't speak is because they just hate me. maybe i shouldn't even try anymore. i sound pretty fucking pathetic.

"are you alright?" cal asked from beside me. we had been sitting out in the chilly air for a few hours, just 'talking' about things.

i curtly nod my head, causing my friend to sigh, and look back at the swaying trees.

"you don't have to lie to me, clara." he said without even turning his head to look at me. why does he even care? we haven't been friends for even a week and he all of a sudden gives a shit about how i'm doing?

i grab the notepad, which we had grown a small attachment to in the length of a week.

it's not important, i scribbled.

"well if it's not important then you wouldn't be pouting. tell me what's wrong, please." he pleads, almost making me give in.

cal it's not a big deal.

yes it is, he wrote. i honestly loved when he wrote back, and didn't talk. it made me feel for a few small seconds that i wasn't the only one who couldn't speak, which i knew i wasn't.

if it's such a big deal to you, then fine. i want to speak with you, but i just can't. something will go wrong and i know it. i don't want to lose you, you're the only friend i have.

i flick the damn sharpie on the yellow notepad, and stand up, brushing off my skinny jeans. and i just run. i run faster than i ever would, making my thighs burn, but I don't care.

up ahead, a small forested place stretched out around me, causing me to smile. childhood memories flooded through my mind, and i don't even hesitate to step foot into the woods.

as soon as i opened my closed eyes, i regretted ever running from calum's house, i regret walking into the trees like it was a good thing.

i regret every mistake i had done within those seconds, but i'm too full of fright to remember what happened earlier, and my blood runs cold.

-rileigh-