Eel

Pulling a Draco

While standing at the register of cash

Young Patrick Star awaited for the sound

Of ringing telephone's a'wailing crash

An order not yet placed would soon be found

But lo, as Patrick Star answered the phone

The voice asked if he were the Krusty Krab

This question so bizarre caused him to groan

"No, this is Patrick!" his heart so fiercely stabbed

As furiously slammed the phone did he

"I'm Not a Krusty Krab" grumbled the fish

But Sponge corrected Star, in tone of grief

To order Krabby Patties was their wish

And foolish soon the Star found his mistake

And trophies or awards he would not take

***

At this point, Michael's awesome display of cosmic gay power was scaring the holy shit out of Jesus from math class. What with the rainbows and and ogreness flying around every wikkiwoowhich way. The power was so overwhelming that finally he lost his temper.

"That's it!" he screamed like a lil bitchboy, "Wait until my father hears about this!"

And with that bitcheous display of bitchery, Jesus from math class bitched down the hall bitchfully, with dark intentions for the bitchiest of bitchery. 

Michael yodeled in victory, waving the pride flag over his head, and all of the children joined in melodious chorus (as they built a barricade for some fuckin reason),

"Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of angry gay, it is the gayest of the people who will not be straight again! When the beating of the meat is to dude on dude stuff, there is no doubt that you are gay and that you eat cum!"

In the midst of the glorious faggotry, a voice suddenly cried out, 

"FOR THE MOTHERLAND!" 

And, caught up in all of the excitement, the children of the rainbow echoed, 

"For the Motherland!" 

And in a flash of red, Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, yoinked himself out of the infinity backpack and stood at the top of the barricade, preaching of the glory of communism. The children's eyes were captivated, ignited with youthful vigor as Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, spoke of dreams of overthrowing the bourgeouis, seizing the means of production, and sawing the tables of tyranny in half. Even though most of them hadn't a diddly fucking clue about what the sam hill jeffrey broccoli penis he was talking about, they still exploded into excitement borderlining chaos as Kevin passed out copies of the communist manifesto, AK-47s, and little strawberry-flavored candies shaped like nuclear warheads. Michael watched in surprise that ejaculated into horror as Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union led a violent coup as the children assassinated all of the teachers and staff, burning all of the schoolbooks in sight. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Michael saw Dante, his one and only love, staring with disgust and disapproval. And he stared with all 20 of his eyes. 

"It's not my fault!" Michael blubbered, his eyes nutting furiously with tears, "They said they were gonna help me get the part of the Taco Bongo man." 

Dante opened his mighty jaws, speaking an old ant octopus proverb in a tone reminiscent of a half dozen rusty Tin Woodmen slathered with raw meat having a violent satanic orgy, which roughly translates to, "lemme eat that pussy like african children eat absolutely nothing" 

"You're right, Dante," Michael scowled at Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, "I never should have came out to the communists." 

He stood firmly in defiance, the school burning around him with soviet flags waving in the air. 

"I have to stop them," he declared, "But how?"

Just then, Jesus returned. Jesus from math class. He smiled triumphantly as he was followed by his father, who was none otha than Motherfuckin God. 

"Holy shitting vore cactuses," Michael ejaculated, "It's Motherfuckin God."

"Yeah, I get that reaction a lot," Motherfuckin God said, "Now which one of you filthy jews is Michael?" 

Michael began a'shakin in his boots, which had little spiderman stickers on the sides and an I <3 FORTNITE  button pinned to the heel. 

"That one, Daddy-o!" Jesus from math class pointed, "He keeps being a jerk cuz he thinks I'm trying to steal his role in the play!"

"Really?" Motherfuckin God said to Jesus from math class, "Well that's very rude of you why are you doing that?"

"I'M NOT!" Jesus from math class screamed.

"DISHONESTY AND FRAUDULENCE!" Michael bellowed.

"Are you sure?" Motherfuckin God questioned, raising an almighty brow that sparkled with glitter and holy wrath. 

"I swear I'm just trying to live my life!" Jesus from Math Class protested, "I don't even care about the stupid play!"

"DECEPTION AND MENDACITY!" Michael boomed. 

"I dunno, Jeezy boy" Motherfuckin God pondered, "He's a lot louder and more upset than you so he must be telling the truth." 

"DAAAAAD!!!" Jesus from Math Class whined.

"DUPLICITY AND DECEIT!" Michael shrieked, furiously sifting through his pocket thesaurus.

"I swear I'm telling the tru-hu-uth..." Jesus from Math Class sobbed, "I just want to hang out with my boyfriend Dante..."

"PERFIDICITY AND-....wh-what?" Michael stammered, feeling like he just got jihaded in the heart. 

Sure enough, Dante embraced Jesus from Math Class with a mess of sex-oozing tentacles, gurgling with affection like a herd of donkeys getting massacred by a freight train. 

Michael couldn't believe his eyeballs, even after he plucked them out with chopsticks and put in new ones that he got off of craigslist. They were goat eyes, but they did the trick.

"This is Baaa-aaad," Michael bleated. He dropped to his knees, shaking his fists at the sky, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"