Eel

Servoy Neroshimy Respublik Svobodnik

There once was a lad from Manhattan, 

who from eating giraffe ass, did fatten

But her father came home and stepped down with his toe

and that New York fuckboi he did flatten

rip

***

Michael stepped out onto his elastic biopolymer imitation balsa wood porch to enjoy the cool breeze under the moonlight. In Michael's county, midnight happened three times from 3:00 pm to 5:15 pm (for legal reasons following a gender identification lawsuit), and the third midnight was always Michael's favorite. Up in the sky, he saw constellations. In school, he learned that ancient civilizations saw shapes of gods and beasts in the stars, and followed them for guidance. Michael only saw penises in the stars, because he was gay.

Suddenly the star forming the tip of one of the cosmic dicks shot down from the sky, with a trail of flame as white as the mayonnaise stains on his mother's good Tuesday furniture. Before Michael's monocled eyes, a bright red flying saucer crashed into his cauliflower patch. 

"Forsooth! Not Jeffrey!" Michael bellowed, leaping off of the steps of his elastic biopolymer imitation balsa wood porch. He ran to his smoldering garden, hoping to retrieve the remains of his favorite cauliflower plant, Jeffrey, for a traditional Viking burial at sea. In a cloud of cotton-candy flavored vape, the dome of the ship opened, revealing two orange-clad Russian cosmonauts from the 1960s.

"Dear Odin," Michael shuddered, "Who are you?"

Removing his helmet, one of the cosmonauts revealed his face. It was Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union. 

"I am Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union," replied Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, "And this is Kevin."

Kevin also removed his helmet. 

"Glub glub," said Kevin. He was a fish. 

"We are here to spread the glory of communism like some nutella on the bagel of your planet." Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, declared.

Michael stared blankly. He was easily bewildered by metaphors. Ever since the accident with the E   E   L. 

"Communism?" Michael exlaimed, "I don't have time for religion! I have to rehearse for my Taco Bongo role in the play! I can't let Jesus have it."

"Glub glub?" Kevin questioned, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

"No, Jesus from Math Class." Michael clarified.

"Glub glub..." Kevin gargled in understanding.

"A school play, you say?" Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union pondered aloud, "What a perfect opportunity to spread our cause!"

He turned back to Michael, as if the boy had not heard what Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, had just said.

"Boy!" he declared, "We will assist you in your role for this school play."

"Great!" Michael sang in glee. No really, he did. He had a solo in one of the episodes, "The play is called Food Fight."

"Glub glub." Kevin remarked with concern.

"You are right, Kevin." Josef Stalin, leader of the Soviet Union, replied, "Being communists, we are unfamiliar with this 'Food' you speak of. But we are very good at fighting, especially if its wintertime and alongside people we will eventually be on and off enemies with for the next few decades."

"Super de cancer!" Michael shouted, "Lets go rub our ears!" 

And so they did.