Seven Heartbeats

Heart on Fire

I've had a crush on William Hames since forever. Like really. I've known him all my life, because our dads are like best friends and our families spend almost every weekend together. Mr Hames (call me Matt) and my dad have this ongoing contest of who's the best at barbecues. Which honestly is the most lame competition ever, but on the other hand we all get to eat great food. So win, I guess. The sucky thing though, is that even though we've hung out so much that I know their house as well as my own, William is no closer to being my boyfriend than anyone of our dads are in being declared the winner. I mean. What's wrong with me? My friends say I'm cute, hell even boys I don't know that well have told me I'm cute. I've been on dates and I've been kissed, and no one's seemed to regret doing either or both of those things. What about me repulses him?

Since my sister Madeleine and I went to the pool today my short blonde bob is all tangled and sun bleached. A few years ago I would have washed and styled my hair, now I just shrug my shoulders.

I cut my hair this week. Mom nearly had a heart attack when I returned from the mall. I've never gone this short before and it feels oddly liberating. Maddie said I look bad ass and coming from her that's like the highest praise. Mom soon recovered and now that's she's used to it, she says this fits my personality better. Which is awesome, because I have no idea of who I am. Before this week I used to hate that my nose and cheeks are covered in a light smattering of freckles, and I would use every kind of makeup to hide them, but with this new hair and my new 'no fucks given' attitude towards most things, I've decided to embrace them.

Knowing dad will try to get me involved in the grilling of pork, I dig out my most washed out t-shirt and cut-offs to wear over my new ocean blue bikini. I look an absolute mess, but it's not like Will's gonna notice me anyhow. I've given up on making myself pretty for our family barbecues. Besides, it's hard eating ribs if you have to worry about your makeup getting all smeared. And I do like to eat, almost as much as I like to hide behind my sunglasses and ogle Will. Today for instance, I know for a fact there'll be lots and lots of ribs. Mr Hames mocked dad last week and said something about him not being able to cook an excellent rib. Me, I just think he was craving ribs and regretted not barbecuing any. Ugh, dads!

Everyone will lounge around the pool, waiting for food to be ready. And then we descend upon it like a pack of hyenas. I would like to be able to say we're all classy and shit, but yeah, no. It's a fight to get the good stuff and then you have to take care that no one steals off of your plate! I'd be lying if I'm not deliriously happy when Will steals food from me, that means he knows I exist. Like, of course he knows I exist, but he notices me enough to want something from me. If only he'd want my body and not a perfectly grilled burger.

I'm out back, cutting vegetables when the Hames arrive. There's a lot of laughing and shouting going on as they walk through the house. My little sister and Tanya, the youngest of the three Hames kids, come running past me, shedding clothes, and dive bombing into the pool.
"Tanya! Madeleine! Take it easy!" Will's big brother Ashton lumbers past, thick novel in one hand and his phone in the other. "Hey Emmylee." He's the only one calling me by my full name, even my parents call me Em.
"Hey Ashton, where's Allie?" Allison Morgan is his girlfriend of five years.
"She's up visiting her grandparents." Shrieking is heard from the pool. "Seriously! Take. It. Easy!" I let him go lifeguard the girls. Mr Hames and dad come outside, carrying trays of meat and arguing about the right barbecue temperature. Rolling my eyes I go back to cutting up peppers, potatoes and onions into decent chunks. They'll go into the hot embers wrapped in tinfoil and be ready to eat when the meat's all cooked. Yummy!

"William! Don't just stand there. Bring those sausages over here and I'll show Brandon how to cook them." My body has a will of its own and even though I beg it to remain still, my head turns in the direction of the wide doors leading to the patio. Will is standing there, plate in hand, looking like he doesn't know what he's supposed to do. My stupid face lights up in that embarrassing gigawatt smile that always breaks free when I see him. He seems to come to and shakes his head. Handing his dad the plate of sausages, he narrowly escapes being dragged into a heated argument on how to grill them.
"Hi." This time my smile is checked, less demented. He sits down on the opposite side of the big table I'm using to prepare the vegetables.
"You cut your hair." I roll my eyes in a 'well duh' kind of way. I'm rewarded with a grin. Oh, be still my beating heart! "You look different."
"Good different or bad different?" Please don't say bad! He cocks his head to the side and looks at me. I feel my cheeks burning and divert my focus back to the onions. Say something!
"I don't know." Yeah. My heart went still, thanks.
"Well gee, don't go overboard with your praise..." It's easier to pretend that the onions are making me cry, than to admit that he hurt my feelings. Mrs Hames calls for Will to come and get something from the kitchen, leaving me to cry over my vegetables.