RELATABLE.

Element

*Editing, minor errors*
Free writing from some daily emotions, I'm a positive person but when I feel certain emotions I like to rid that energy in my writings and it tends to make me feel better. When I'm good, I'm great, when I'm bad, I'm at a low but I'm also only human. I do what I do best and describe it. You know people judge but that's them, you are entitled to the way you feel and so am I. Disrespect won't be tolerated though, we're all going through life trying to figure it out and we have different ways.

I can literally feel when I'm losing myself once again. I have a bad habit of going ghost on everyone followed with not responding to calls or texts but you'll see me on social media, to not leaving my apartment because I don't want to be around people at all. It's sucky but it's life. I try to maneuver my way around so for instance learning my patterns is something that helps me from getting in my element. I wouldn't necessarily say it's depression either only because I'm not really sad or lost but I'm losing myself to a calmness that's making everything around me seem like pure bullshit that doesn't really exist. Perspective. See what I did there. I don't like being bothered and I'll huff and puff if I see anything that's taking me out of my zone. That's also where my writing comes from because in this moment my imagination is running wild. Also where a bipolar disorder fixation is releasing from my brain, I'm ending in either a good note or bad. Sometimes I even cry because it's releasing what's going to help once I'm back to reality and move forward. It sounds crazy unless you are experiencing it, I do feel like it drives a wedge in between some relationships I have with people and it only frustrates me even more because I don't think they understand me at all...I don't think I know if we're really being honest, then all of the not shit guys from my past like to come back and play this weird ass game of "Let's see if she'll come back around" most get the asshole side of me which leads to a whole argument and ends with no way to contact me ever again then it's one that I want around but I know his ass needs to be in that category right with them. Another story for another chapter. Family now comes along and I have to kind of mediate the beef that's going on and I never know what's going on with them, it's draining. That's why I stay in my element, which sort of is a bad decision in itself especially when I have pressure built up on my mind and all I can do is constantly think so that tends to drive me wild even when I'm out and about or keeping myself busy. You can go to therapy they said, I went it was fun while it lasted but now I'm tired of talking and it's the same thing or worse. I strive because I feel like I make some people happy but what do you do when your own happiness is on the line? I pray, meditate, do activities but it's constant pressure, one of the very reasons my patience level has dropped tremendously and I can't tolerate certain things or people. I'm in my element trying to create a new one.