SECRETS | D.S

twenty-six

James was coming to visit.

She'd expected that he'd come at some point, it was inevitable really, but the fact that he'd barely given her time to plan ahead had forced her to be up on Saturday morning, meeting Dan briefly for coffee before she'd head back and sort out the spare room for her brother's arrival tomorrow.

"He hasn't given me a decent warning," Katie mumbled, looking out upon the bustling London streets.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Dan stirred his coffee thoughtfully, but as much as he'd like to focus on her brother coming - and what that might mean for him - his mind was hurtling back to the awful meeting with Mitch this past week, and the possibility of starting things up again with the boys... maybe.

Kyle would be meeting him here in an hour, perfect timing as Kate would have to head back to prepare for James coming -  it gave Dan time to think things over, to decide how he'd like to approach it. 

He hadn't exactly come with a game plan, he just intended to voice his opinion, ask Kyle what he thought (although he'd made that painfully obvious last time, the fact that he thought Dan was a complete and utter dick had been highlighted), but Dan was desperate, if anything, to at least try.

"Let me know how the meeting goes," Kate smiled warmly at him as she stood to leave a few minutes later, and Dan nodded.

"Will do. Good luck, you know..."

"Thanks."

Kyle walked in as Katie left, hands tucked into his pockets, and when he saw Dan, he made his way over, offering nothing but a small 'hi' as he sat down. Dan felt that familiar prick of longing eating away at him again - the desire to have things the way they'd once been - but he knew that, even if this worked out, things would never be the same again.

"Thanks for meeting me," Dan started, deciding to skip pleasantries as he knew Kyle would shoot them down anyway.

"Yeah, well," Kyle shrugged, "you didn't give me much of a choice."

"I... I'm desperate..."

"Clearly."

"I guess I fucked up..."

"Little late to the party there, Dan..."

"I'm sorry, okay?" his eyes fell into Kyle's, "for everything. I wish I could fix things, but... what's done is done. I just... I want another chance... at this... the band..."

Kyle sighed, averting his gaze out the window. It was rare that Dan saw him like this, so cold and closed off, so distant, so emotionless. It was so unlike Kyle, someone who was usually the life of the party, the king of jokes and laughter... and it made him feel worse knowing that he'd affected Kyle like this, in more ways than one.

"Give me one reason why we should do this... why we should go through the trouble for you?"

"I... don't have one," Dan mumbled honestly, "if there's anyone less deserving, it's me..."

"Oh cut the self-pity bullshit, Dan. It's not attractive."

"You want a reason? Fine," Dan met his eyes again, "Bastille was the best fucking decision we ever made. We had no idea what we were doing at first, we drove around in a beat-up little car, not even our own, we had terrible gear, but we made it, didn't we?"

"And you threw that away to chase some selfish solo career."

"And I was wrong. I hate it. I fucking hate it, Kyle. We had freedom as a band, at least more than I've got now. But this isn't about me. It's about you, all of you. You were Bastille, not me, mate. Without you, I'm just a guy holding a microphone..."

"Yet no one else ever got credited... suddenly you had all these gigs with other artists, Marshmello, fucking Seeb, all these people who wanted you, Dan, not Bastille, no, fuck Bastille... all we were ever good for was backing you up occasionally, you know, to make it look good, because they had to remember we were still a band... but we weren't, honestly... it was you... a solo act. Part of me wonders if you'd been chasing that from day one."

"No," Dan cut him short, "of course not. I loved everything about the band..."

"Yeah, I can see that..." Kyle drummed his rings on the table, breaking the silence that fell over them suddenly.

"Without you lot I'm nothing. That's the truth."

"It's not and you know it, you're building an empire for yourself, Dan, look at your success."

"But it's not what I want."

More silence before Dan spoke again.

"I'm sorry about what happened, mate, believe me... I don't sleep at night... you... you're important to me, all of you... and I know I hurt you... trust me, it haunts me every single day... and as much as I don't deserve it, all I ask is that you'll consider it..."

Kyle let out a lengthy sigh.

"I'm not doing this for you, just know that. I... I'll call the guys, see what they think..."

"Really?"

"One condition..."

"Anything."

"We get Mark back. Somehow. I know he's not with the studio anymore, but he was the best we've had and you know it."

"Yeah," Dan nodded, "I... I'll see what I can do."

"Another thing... I get to write up our set list for the next year."

"Anything you want," Dan smiled and Kyle held his eyes for a moment before he smiled at last.

"I hate you."

"Appreciate it."

"I'll let you know what Will and Woods say... don't get your hopes up."

"Yeah, thanks, Kyle."

"This doesn't mean we're friends again," he said to Dan on the way out and Dan nodded. 

"Whatever we are, I'm cool with it."

"Don't expect anything more."