Ophiuchus

Strength In Numbers

  I am strong enough to admit my mistakes, my faults, and see them for what they really are. I am very analytical, and I can look at things from all views, all perceptions...and when I don't know enough about something, I keep my mouth shut.
But the real strong people, are walking amongst you everyday. I have this feeling of eyes on me all the time, judging me, and if you are, shame on you. Just because I am chubby or don't have enough money to buy the clothes you do, doesn't mean I am retarded, ugly or fat. I know what I am, and although I am very sensitive to criticism, due to the fact I am very intuitive and see things both ways, I do see where you are coming from, but I also see the truth. I also know that even the people who look the most perfect may have their world crashing over their heads at any moment. Believe me, I think money can solve a lot of problems for me...but what about the people who have it? Does that make them less weak? Does money solve most of their problems? Of course not. The people that have enough money may wish they could trade their money for their parents love, ANY kind of love, not to be lied to anymore, and even sickness may plague them. Some would give anything to not feel alone, disposable, hurt, used, and lost.
My confession is... the reason why I put up a status for people to "like for confessions" is because I had gone into my jacket pocket and found a piece of paper from my girls group, and someone very special to me wrote anonymously, a very important message to me, one that struck a chord, and one that is very honest and true. It said...
"You are not alone. Stay strong"
The thing is I know who wrote that anonymous message, and she is strong. I look around at people who don't know her and see that they think she is weird or overemotional, but really she is strong. She is dealing with borderline personality disorder also, and she is not giving up. The scars on her arms tell her where she is and how far she's gone, and also, are a painful reminder of those feelings. Her emotional scars are a weakness, and one she must struggle with everyday. She is, in my opinion, and in all of the people around her that love her and know her, beautiful. And I hope one day I can know her.
So the reason why I did this was to not only try to let some people understand why I am the way I am, and try to reach out to people who I might not of otherwise, but to tell all of you, that you are not alone. And if I have these problems, I know there are plenty of other people who have similar or even the same problems I do. And to not be afraid to help...because I am here. So are your friends, so are the people you trust. Because, in the end, if you feel alone, and you don't do something about it...you are hurting yourself and the people you cannot see but who are there for you.
To say I'm strong is okay. But to just disregard your own strength is very disrespectful and to say someone else is stronger than you is...wrong. Every single person goes through something, and I would lie if I say I don't judge anyone. I judge people just by a certain look they give me. I judge people who put others down because they may "talk weird" or "dress funny" because something has made them that way, just like some event in your life impacted the way you see things.
In fact, every person I have had the great pleasure of speaking to in school has their own strength. I know a person who hasn't had a dad in his life, has had anxiety disorders similar to mine, has goals similar to mine and has conquered and overcome those obstacles that stand in their way, and they have probably had the most stand in their way. They are one of the funniest, smartest, most mature, and artistic people I have ever met in my life. I also know this other person, who goes through pain on a daily basis, gets made fun of because of the way they look and act, and, like me, had had to resort to cigarettes and other sorts of things to help them out with that pain. I know this other person, who is loud, and energetic, loves to procrastinate, but also struggles with herself and has someone who is supposed to love them curse them out, tell them they are fat or lazy, or just not good enough, and she is struggling with a lot of pain too. I have known someone who has loved to hard, feels alone, who is impulsive, angry, feels guilty about hurting their mom and isolating those around them. To cope with these feelings, they turn to drugs, and then they are in a world of shit that they cannot get out of.
These are the strong people. And they are all around you.