Ophiuchus

Become Wise

Those Summer nights were always the best.

It may have been hot, but she was always somewhat soothed around the bonfire. The smell of alcohol lingered in the air, as did the faint tang of pot. She was fifteen years young, hanging around the big kids, and any other fifteen year old would be loving every minute of it.

But she was no normal fifteen year old girl. She was mature in body and spirit, which is very rare. But she had to grow up fast. She had to...or she wouldn't be here. She was sad, as most mature fifteen year old girls are. She was even more mature than most the people she was hanging around, which were about her brothers' age; 19-21. Yes, she does have her bratty moments, but she is human. She is a teenager.

Growing up fast, though,...

had left her old and tired. See, she went from being an innocent pre-pubescent and dived right into being a forty year old. No one really knows why...no one will probably ever know why. I don't think she will ever know why. It's just what happened. Thing just happen. Whether it was a single moment of trauma or a string of events...it wasn't a slow progression. It was that one day, one week, or one month that really made her try to put herself together again. The problem with putting yourself together when your young is that you don't know where all the pieces go...so maybe some things are in the wrong place, maybe she threw away something thinking she wouldn't need it when later on she really did. The people she hung out with didn't help either. They made her out to be more mature than she might've been at the time and put responsibilities that she may have not have been able to handle. It's not that that she regrets she made friends that were older than her and had already managed to learn some very basic coping skills and experienced things that may have gradually matured them. She just wished she made more friends her age...that were learning about themselves like she was, that were figuring out life, coping skills.

The only thing is...

People her age are not on the level of intelligence as she is.

You see, people age and mature gradually, that innocence, that fire inside of them seem to dim slowly, so slowly in fact that you can't even notice it until you try to put yourself back into your shoes from when you were a certain age. Even then, you could never really feel the same way again.

When someone is forced to grow up, very quickly, it's very shocking, and it seems to just smother that fire...and you can notice it. You get depressed, you wonder who you are...you don't remember the feelings you used to have...you almost feel numb. You do feel numb.

Maybe that's why she likes the bonfire so much.

Not because of the drugs, not because of her friends...

But maybe it reminds her of that flame that once burned ever so brightly inside her...

and was smothered when she was faced with the challenge of growing up.