AIR CAV DAYS IN GERMANY: THE COLD WAR ADVENTURES OF REV

Wiesbaden Air Base

After what seemed like endless hours of waiting in immigration lines, custom lines, restroom lines, and listening to whining kids, Revv finally found himself sitting in a bus seat. He looked around the Mercedes bus and was impressed by the comfortable seats and the leg room. After stretching out his legs, he was amazed to see there was still some room remaining, These seats are better than the 747-300 airplane seats and this thing even has a toilet, he mused to himself. He felt pretty special sitting in his first Mercedes, even though it was a Mercedes bus. It wasn't like the crappy, green, Army school bus that had taken him to the airplane at the beginning of this journey in Texas or the big yellow busses he had endured on his way to sporting events in high school.

WHUMPH. A jolt to his seat brought him out of his thoughts, looking to his left he saw that Biskit, the chubby dude from the South with bad teeth, had flopped down in the seat next to him. Biskit was wearing a 1970's multi-colored, terry-cloth, collared shirt and he was a little overexcited at the moment. Revv couldn't help but notice that Biskit's ancient shirt was way too tight around his gut, it even left an inch of exposed white belly hanging out, "Looking your West Virginia best Biskit. Love that belly button look."

Biskit looked down at his shirt and smiled, showing off the beginnings of his bad mustache and his yellow teeth. Wiggling his butt to get more comfortable he jovially said, "Hey Revv!" elbowing him in the shoulder. "Isn't this like awesome, like can't you believe that we're in Germany, like did you taste the coffee, like check out this bus? Wow! It's all so awesome."

Biskit droned on and on, sounding like he had watched Valley Girl one time too many. Revv blanked him out and shifted his gaze out the window as the bus pulled away from the terminal. Small drops continued to drizzle through the gray clouds and singular streams of water, tinged with pollution streaked down Revv's window.

The bus eventually drove out of the Rhein-Main, U.S. Air Force Base gate, to his surprise, Revv saw guards armed with machine guns standing next to tire shredding devices in the road. He suddenly realized that he had only previously seen tire shredders in movies. The bus driver continued up a ramp onto a highway, the group guide, who was a handsome, middle-aged German with a large mustache, stood up and said, "Velcome to ze Cherman Autobahn. Ze A-3 going to Viesbaden." The crowd clapped for him, while the bus quickly picked up an amazing amount of speed for such a large vehicle.

"Geez, like I never dreamed I would be on the Autobahn!" exclaimed Fat Biskit, who was leaning over Revv to look out the window. Half-laying in Revv's lap, Biskit sputtered, "Damn, look, look, a Porsche!"

Tolerating Biskit's excitement for the moment, Revv took his last drink of coffee out of the Styrofoam cup, then reached into his jacket's inner pocket, and took out a can of Copenhagen Snuff. Smacking the can sideways on his hand to pack the tobacco, Revv opened the can, took a large pinch, and put it between his cheek and gum. He immediately felt a nice rush of nicotine. He slowly replaced the lid, slid the can back in his pocket, and then rubbed his fingers together over Biskit's back. A light coating of snuff drifted down and settled on the back of Fatty's shirt. The flakes of chewing tobacco nicely lodged themselves in the terry cloth material. Grinning, Revv leaned all the way back in his seat and looked out the window. He was amazed at how much Germany resembled Michigan or Wisconsin. Lots of maple and oak trees, a gray sky, farm fields, and it was raining, he could have easily been in any northern Mid-west state in the U.S.

As he watched the Autobahn signs go by, Revv silently tried to pronounce the names written on their reflective metal. None of the names easily rolled off of his tongue. Hessen, ausfart, Mainz, gastatte, rastplatz, What the hell does all of this mean? Revv thought to himself. He had never taken a foreign language in school, to make matters worse, he had never even heard one spoken, except when the Puerto Ricans in his unit spoke Spanish at work. That didn't count, because those guys spoke English with him. "Hopefully the girls speak English," Revv whispered to himself.