AIR CAV DAYS IN GERMANY: THE COLD WAR ADVENTURES OF REV

Chapter 12 B.O.B. (i.e. Big Ole Butt)

After climbing two flights of stairs, Revv found himself standing in front of another shit brown barracks door and thinking like an animal, Food, food, behind this door is food. Feeling the wallet filled with money in his shorts cargo pocket made his mind change gears and think like a rational guy, What the hell am I doing here? he asked himself. Am I really so desperate for some loving? His hangover was fading, but the need for sympathy had carried him to B.O.B.'s, Revv loathed that he might actually need to confess his need for sympathy. He had been like a horse headed for the stable, that unstoppable invisible hand had guided him home. Raising a fist and knocking on the door, he heard B.O.B. call, "Who is it?" in her deep voice. Revv called back, "It's not Marcia," laughing out loud after he had said it. Ironically, Marcia just happened to be B.O.B.'s roommate. Talk about the odd couple, B.O.B. the party girl and Marcia the librarian.

Opening the door, B.O.B. looked up at Revv, gently brushed her long fake blonde hair out her face, and opened her arms wide to embrace him. Smiling, Revv opened his arms, B.O.B. got about within six inches of him, wrinkled her nose and pulled back just as her enormous boobs touched Revv's chest. Revv was left standing there with his arms extended in the air looking like a skinny ape. B.O.B. reached up and roughly grabbed Revv's right hand, pulling it out of the skinny ape pose. Deflated, Revv let his left arm fall limply to his side as surrendering to B.O.B.'s tugging. She then dragged him into her room and closed the door after them.

Letting go of Revv's hand, she backed up a couple of steps. Her eyes wandered from Revv's head to his feet. She slowly took in the whole picture that was Revv. He was not an impressive specimen at the moment and for once in his life Revv felt insecure under a woman's scrutiny. Normally B.O.B. was very non-judgmental and let things go, but Revv was a mess today and he knew it. Embarrassed, Revv thought, Maybe I shouldn't have come to visit B.O.B. B.O.B. slowly shook her head in disappointment and then disappeared into the bathroom for a moment. Coming back out with a towel, she threw it at Revv and in her deep commanding voice said, "Get undressed now."

Looking down at himself as he picked the towel off of the floor, Revv saw his stained T-shirt, rumpled shorts, and realized that his wet fart had left a lingering odor in his shorts. Not to mention the fact that he hadn't showered in two days. Back in his barracks room he hadn't imagined that smell, it wasn't The Whale's pillow, it had been his own stench. Revv had been so excited about inflicting his revenge, that he hadn't taken the time to shower or put on clean clothes. "Damn, I really look like shit." said Revv. B.O.B. folder her arms across her chest, "No shit Sherlock. Yes you do." Without a shred of self-consciences, Revv got undressed in front of B.O.B.'s disapproving gaze and wrapped the towel around his waist. Before he could clinch the towel, B.O.B. yanked it back open and asked, "Did that thing just shrivel?" Quickly looking down at his willy, Revv realized that under B.O.B.'s scrutiny, it had drastically shrunk to the size of an inchworm. Using the oldest excuse in the world Revv stammered, "Uh, uh no, well yah, yah, it's it's cold in here." Revv grabbed the towel back and finished clinching it over itself, the resulting effect left Revv looking like a dad in a 1970s shaving commercial. "Pffft, Ok, maybe you think you can get away with the cold excuse, but you are way too skinny and shriveled my man," laughed B.O.B., then adding, "Come and see me when you put on some weight and look like a real man." Pointing at the bathroom with one of her sausage fingers, B.O.B. commanded, "In the shower, now."

Sheepishly, Revv made his way past B.O.B. Holding her breath; she bent down and gathered up his clothes. "Real classy, Revv," B.O.B. called after him holding up his underwear. Light shone through the worn out cloth and a brown streak was visible on the back of the underwear. "Holes and skid marks, you are a real catch for some poor girl." With his small pecker and cheeks burning red, Revv made his way into the bathroom now really wondering why he had decided to visit B.O.B. Calling out in hushed voice he said, "Thank you B.O.B., you are the best." Dumping Revv's clothes into her laundry basket she turned and said, "You are so full of shit Revv and your little charm doesn't work on me, remember?" Turning to open the door she continued, "I'm going to the laundry room to drop your nasty clothes in the washer," she paused, "Oh shit I'm out of food." "I'll drive to the bakery to buy some bread rolls and meat for us." With his mouth starting to drool at the thought of German bread rolls, Revv told B.O.B., "There are some Markss in my wallet, my treat." B.O.B. smiled, reached into Revv's shorts, pulled ten Markss out of his pocket, and replied, "Well, some of your charm does work baby." "I should've had you reach into those shorts while I was wearing them," Revv said with a laugh, meaning every word. "So much for your charm asshole," bantered B.O.B. going to her closet. Pulling out laundry detergent and fabric softener, she dropped it into the basket on top of the clothes. Revv looked at the fabric softener in awe and dreamed of how great his clothes would smell and feel. Revv hadn't quite figured out how to wash his clothes yet. His mother had never taught him, so he just dumped everything together in the washing machine, set it on warm, added detergent, and let that mystical machine do its magic. Fabric softener fascinated him, it just seemed like too much work to add it somewhere in the wash cycle and Revv was too impatient to stay by the washer while it washed his clothes. The cost of softener seemed to cut unfairly into his party money and all in all never seemed worth the hassle, but it sure did smell nice. B.O.B. picked up her keys and purse, opened the door and said, "See you in an hour or so Revv, when I get back you had better smell sweet, by the way Marcia won't mind, I think she will be pestering the MPs for the next couple of hours." With that said, B.O.B. walked out of the door, wiggling that glorious ass of hers as she left.