The rest of the day was a blur. I couldn’t concentrate in any of my lessons because all I could think about was Justin. This morning really made me question my relationship with him. Maybe I do like him in that way, I don’t know right now. If I’m jealous does that mean I love him? I’ve never really beenin love before so I’m not sure what it feels like. Have I been confusing my feelings for him as a friendship for the past seven years? Lunch time was lonely without Justin. I was still with all my girl friends but it felt strange to be without him. He’s always with me, always. I did notice that Alyssa wasn’t with us. I wonder where she is, probably sucking Justin’s face off behind the bike shed or something. It wouldn’t surprise me.
However, I was wrong because half way through lunch, she decided to make an appearance. She sauntered over with a huge grin on her face and sat down next to me.
“Hello!” She said to everyone. “Guess what just happened!?”
“What?” The girls said in sync.
“Justin just asked me to be his date to the party!” She let out a squeal of excitement and clapped her hands together.
“You mean Justin as in Justin Bieber?” My other best friend Rachel asked.
“Yeah! Isn’t he hot!” Bitch. All you like him for is his looks. He’s so much more than that. Wait no, she is my friend. Why am I acting this way? I don’t even like Justin.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“What do you think silly!?” She sounded so ditzy.
“No?”
“I said yes! Like I would turn him down!”
“Oh, that’s awesome!” I hid my anger behind a fake smile. Like I said before, she’s a bitch that doesn’t deserve Justin. She spent the rest of lunch talking about how ‘yummy’ Justin is and how she hopes the date will go further. If only Justin could hear her right now, he wouldn’t like her anymore that’s for sure. He hates it when girls call him yummy and act all dumb. I couldn’t handle any more of her fakeness so I said goodbye and went to my next lesson.
My next lesson was the last lesson of the day, Maths. I hate maths but sitting next to Ryan, Justin’s other best friend, makes it much more bearable. He somehow manages to make me look forward to Mondays because I know he will make me laugh but he also helps me with the work. When I got to the classroom, I saw Ryan sat in his seat talking to Justin who was in my seat. They didn’t notice me enter the room so I had the opportunity to listen to their conversation. They were talking about Alyssa. Justin was talking about her like she was a fucking angel where as Ryan was talking about me. Why was he talking about me? Before I had the chance to listen to more, they both noticed me and looked up at me awkwardly. I stared back like a deer caught in a car’s headlights. I managed to lift my hand up and give an awkward wave. I’m such a dork. Walking with my head down, I walked towards them and stopped in front of my desk. Justin stared at me for a moment and then realised he was sitting in my seat.
“Oh shit sorry.” He said whilst grabbing his bag and rushing for the door. He barely said a word to me, didn’t make eye-contact and he couldn’t wait to leave the room.
Despite his presence not being in the room anymore I mumbled “it’s okay”, sat down and got my books out of my bag, Ryan was staring at me whilst doing so. I looked at him and gave him a ‘what!?’ look.
“What the fuck was that?” He grunted.
“What was what?”
“That ‘thing’ between you and Biebs. Talk about tension!” Ignoring him, I opened my book and started writing the date but Ryan stole my book from beneath my hands. “Sophia!”
“There was tension? I didn’t notice.” I lied.
“Don’t bullshit me. Something’s up, I can tell.” Damn, am I that bad at lying? I have known Ryan as long as I have known Justin. Well, Justin did introduce us. At first, I had a bit of a ‘thing’ for Ryan but after we dated for four months, we decided it was best to just be friends. I guess you could call us best friends, I have a lot of best friends, but no one is as close to me as Justin. I spent the next ten minutes confiding in Ryan about what happened between me and Justin, my confusion about my feelings and what to do next. He listened patiently before deciding to make an input.
“Have you told Justin how you feel?” I laughed but he looked serious.
“No…”
“Why not?”
“Cause what if he doesn’t feel the same? Then what do I do?”
“Trust me he will.”
“He will? So he doesn’t now?” I asked, curious as to what he meant. Other students and the teacher started to arrive to lesson. Ryan had to wait to respond but when the teacher left the room to run an errand, he continued.
“Yes. No. It’s complicated. He told me a few months ago he liked you but he felt the same as you do now and decided to not pursue his feelings. So he moved on, accepted that nothing would happen and found Alyssa.”
“Oh right. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“He made me promise. Brother’s law, I couldn’t tell you. You two just have really bad timing! If your timing was better you might have told each other how you felt at the right time and things would have all worked out!”
“Shut up.” I joked.
“Sorry, not helping but this will.” He leant in and gave me a big bear hug that lasted a little longer than it should have. As we were pulling out of the hug, he kissed me on the cheek and then turned around to start the work the teacher left us that we were supposed to be doing. Why did he kiss me? Was that friendly or something more?
“Ryan, can I ask you something?”
“Mhm…Sure.” He answered without looking at me, concentrating on the difficult maths question.
“This might be a kind of random question but did you ever…Like…get over me?”
“What do you mean?” Now I had his full attention.
“After I broke up with you, did you move on or did I like, break your heart?”
“I don’t think I want to answer this right now. Do your work.” Maybe this was the wrong time. I will ask him another time. At this moment, the teacher returned and the class fell into a silent haze, only the sound of pencils scribbling away kept me company. Some maths lesson!
