I weakly walked around the house, looking at every corners and every tiny spaces as if it's my last. Unexpectedly, I came accross the room where the piano was silently sitting by, covered in thin layers of dust. I found myself smiling as I slowly walked towards the piano because it's been a while since I used it. The last time I used it was when I found out I have late pancreatic cancer and I have three months until I kick off.
That was 2 months and 23 days ago.
I lifted the fall board and sat down as I stared into every ebony and ivory keys. There was this song I wrote for my boyfriend, Jongin, called "For Life." It's quite really funny when I realized that I'm gonna die and I wrote a song titled like that. But who cares though? After when I'm gone what I felt for him would still matter.
I laid my fingers on the keys and with deep breath, I started playing and sang each word with all my heart.
This life has twist and turns
But it's the sweetest mystery
When you're with me
With each word my voice cracked and a tear managed to escape my eye as I sang, unbothered.
We say a thousand words
But no one else is listening
I will be
Every night and every day
No matter what may come our way
We're in this thing together
The dark turns to light
We both come alive, tonight
I'm talking bout forever
I find it kind of funny and I also find it kind of sad that I have the audacity to talk about forever and to love someone for life when all I have is a lifetime within a week.
Never gonna let you go
Giving you my heart and soul
I'll be right here with you for life
Oh, baby all I wanna do
Is spend my every second with you
So look in my eyes
I'll be by your your side...
Tears fall down my cheeks and some even dropped onto the keys as I sob uncontrollably. I really did want to spend my every second with Jongin but as every second passes by, the end draws near to me.
"Kyungsoo?" I looked up and saw Jongin walking towards me. I immediately wiped the tears away and let out a deep sigh before facing him. "Are you okay?" He asked as he sat down at the space beside me. I didn't answer him because the truth is I wasn't okay but I want to tell him that I am. Obviously, he'd figure that it was just a lie.
When I didn't answer, he pulled me close to him and I buried my face to his chest and cried, losing myself into an emotional breakdown.
"I'm so scared..." I mumbled through my sobs. I was the type of person who never feared death really. I always knew there's more to it than nothingness after death. But because of him everything changed. "I don't want to die."
"Don't say such things like that." His voice cracked. I know he feared this more than I did and hurts him more than it hurts me.
He rubbed his palm against my back and rested his head upon mine as I did so on his shoulders. With his soothing ways of making me feel safe in his arms, I suddenly felt sleepy and after I closed my eyes he kissed the top of my head and whispered,
"가지마, 경수야....가지마... (G{k}ajima, Kyungsoo-yah....Gajima: Don't go, Kyungsoo...Don't go.)"
_________
I woke up at the sight of Jongin shaking me lightly, waking me up from the sleep that I just had. I looked around and found that it was dark and awfully quiet and not a noise from a car or anything came from outside.
