Through The Dark

10 - Olivia

10 - Olivia

I stumbled out of the bathroom while seeing dark dots all around me. I had heard someone come in but no matter how hard I was trying to compose myself, I could not. I simply could not. My body was finishing shutting down and I was done fighting against it. I was letting it do whatever it wanted now. Not that it mattered much anymore.

'Woah, are you okay?' none other than Emmalyn asked, getting me out of my wrecked train of thoughts. Dark, empty and hollow thoughts that made me want to throw up and got me dizzy.

Her face was flushed and her eyes wide and red. I supposed it was not all because of the shock of seeing me like this –she did not care about me, so it was probably not because of me at all. By the gloomy air around her, she had come into the bathroom in seek of comfort, just like me. Well, I was not really seeking for comfort. I was just seeking for a place to hide as I crumbled down to the ground like pastry.

It was quite ironic –if I thought about it through the fogginess of my mind- that it was her who had found me, out of anyone that could have. I would have even expected Mister Jenkins walking through that door, instead of Emmalyn Twain. Well, not that she had planned it or anything. And life surely knew how to punish me –for whatever the hell it was I had done.

I was sure as soon as Emmalyn left the bathroom –after making some fun of me for looking so trashed and lost- she would go tell her friends about how she had seen me throwing a fit in the bathroom. She might even snap a shot of record a short video to make her mocking even more crushing and humiliating. I could not blame her. I was pretty mean to her, too. But I was so tired that I did not mind about anything anymore.

Besides, who even knew if I was still going to be here by the time she leaked the video? It would no longer matter -at least not to me. All I knew is that I would be freed once I let this misery end. As far as I was concerned, I held the key to my own freedom, to my own peace.

'Just fine,' I grunted as an answer after what felt like forever. I lowered my gaze, not in the mood to see Emmalyn's' knowing smirk, or whatever she was she was going to offer me at the moment.

The flashbacks of my life when I still had Anna by my side were still flooding through my mind, making me feel dizzy and striking like heavy metal blows to my stomach. I could even feel myself bleeding internally already. I was so messed up that I could even taste the blood on my chapped lips.

Tobias Claxton's face was now imprinted into my brain and whenever I closed my eyes, it would appear, hauntingly, reminding me of all I had lost. As if my suffering so far had not been enough. I saw him and I saw a doctor, an empty hospital bed, a smudge of blood that had not been cleaned properly due to lack of time.

'You don't look fine,' Emmalyn stated in a concerned and saggy breath. I could tell she was still trying to regain her breath after coming in. We had just caught each other breaking down, after all.

Immediately, though, I remembered how she had mocked me today in the morning over not looking good, either. I looked up in a heartbeat, ready to call her off for fucking with me. It was then when I noticed the truly concerned look in her face. I assume I really looked like crap, if Emmalyn was not mocking me but actually worried.

'I said I'm just fine,' I stammered. I tucked a sweaty and matted strand of my hair behind my ear. I could only imagine how horrified my mother would be if she saw my hair like this. A sad laugh escaped my lips at the pathetic thought. I was definitely not going to miss her -or my fucking hair.

I looked at my vacant reflection in the full length mirror on the wall and caught a glimpse of Emmalyn standing in the same corner I had found her when coming out of the bathroom stall. She was fidgeting with her fingers, looking unsure of how to act. She was the last person on the face of this earth that I would go to for help and the last one that could possibly understand me, so it was a lost case.

I walked over to the sink and washed my face. I could feel her burning gaze on my back. I was so tired though that I just ignored her. I did not even know why she cared, anyway. It was not as if she needed me to fight or something. She hated quite a number of people in this school. She thought she was better than everyone, she could find a replacement for me soon enough. I was sure everyone would find a replacement for me in a second.

'Olivia.' Emmalyn's voice resounded in the otherwise silent –and as far as it concerned me empty- place.

I chose not to respond. Instead, I started combing my hair with my hands. I was not sure why I was doing it, but it felt soothing at the moment. I felt numb anyway. But I supposed I did have a reason to do it after all. Mamma said one should always look good. Even to face death, I suppose.

I smiled sarcastically at my reflection, that reflection that I had despised for so long. The one I was determined on ending with today. It would no longer haunt me. I would drown it and be done with it -once and for all.

'Olivia. You should go to the nurse.'

Was she ever going to shut up? 'Cut me some slack, Twain. You don't even care,' I spat. I rolled my eyes and then turned around, facing her once again. Maybe if I faced her I could somehow face my demons. It did not seem like an option anymore though.

'Well, if it involves your wellbeing I think any human being that saw you would care,' Emmalyn said with an undertone of condescendence. That tone that everyone hated so much. That was why no one wanted to talk to her. It was almost as if it was her mission to make you feel less.

'You're not even a human being, darling,' I snapped.

She gaped at me and crossed her arms over her chest. 'Says the girl who has been to the surgeon more times than she can count,' she huffed. And just as she did, she pulled off that signature knowing smirk of hers, and that was enough for me to completely burn down.

Just like that the big, black dagger that had situated itself inside my chest, across my heart so long ago dug in a bit further. It had completely entered my body now, laying right across my heart and whatever last hope of happiness or recovery I had. More forceful memories of Anna and the pain of losing her struck me mercilessly, making me gasp slightly at their strength.

My eyes watered and Emmalyn's view got blurry. Right before it got lost, though, I saw a flicker of remorse in her eyes. It was as if she had noticed that what she had said really had hurt me. She would never know just how much.

I walked past her. I would have bumped harshly my shoulder with hers, but I was so skinny that I was sure that would only have caused me to stumble and embarrass myself some further. Even if I was ending the misery, I wanted the last person to see to at least not think as low as possible of me. I had my standards after all, even if they were even more pathetic than me.