Beelzebub

Chapter 9

I stopped my car in the parking lot and took a deep breath. Removing my gun and knife from the holster in a secure box because I didn't want Lilly anywhere near those things, I took a deep breath. I knew I couldn't live the dual life I had been living in front of Lilly at some point of time. She was too smart to be fooled around but I guessed I was refraining her pure soul from coming in contact with the sins I had committed.

At first time when I took her in, I made a vow...

Not to the God,

Not to her parents,

But with myself,

That I would never ever let my demons to cover her bright soul.

I dont fucking believe in God but the day when I choose to be the monster, somehow circumstances brought her in my life and I couldn't be more great full for that.

I simply knocked on her door and waited for her. There was a pattern of knocking the door for letting her know that the person out there was me, it was only for her security.

"Lilly open the damn door." I called for her but no one answered. My eye brows knitted in confusion, she was taking a lot time than usual.

"Lilly is everything okay in there?" I called impatiently as my knocks became more harder, more louder.

But no one answered.

"Fuck."

Taking a step in back, I was about to break the damn door when I heard the sound of faint footsteps.

And then someone opened the door. I entered in my house but not before securing the lock again with passwords.

"what were you doing?" I snapped while my back was facing her and immediately I felt guilty. She wasn't even responsible for my sudden outburst but I had no choice.

Not the choice, I had no one.

I noticed she had covered her face with a pink scarf, only her bright brown eyes were visible and the worst matter was they are wet, red and puffy.

I immediately bend down to take a look of her face, touching her chin, "what happened to your face?".

She looked down, removing my hands from her chin lightly. It wasn't in her behaviour. At the age of thirteen she was more stronger than me, not in a physical way but in emotional way. I haven't seen anyone in my entire life someone strong as her because knowing everything about me and how she came into the mess life of me, never ever in her entire life she had accused me to be her monster.

The monster of her life.

But in time she would eventually realise everything and then I would only be a monster in a disguise of saviour to her.

"what happened princess, tell me?" now I was on my knees, taking her hands in my, I waited for her response.

"I'm sick." she mumbled in a low voice.

"Do you have fever or something?" instantly placing my hands on her forehead, " Do you have pain in anywhere?".

She just shook her head, "Not really."

"Then?" I asked again. I bet she could sense urgency in my voice because her eyes became more teary.

She took my right hand and started walking in the direction of her room. Opening the door, she made me stand in front of her bed where everything was spread all over her tiny bed from her story books, dolls, pencils.

Slowly she approached her bed and remove her duvet from there, I stood there motionless.

I froze.

For a good minute of time.

There was a stain.

A stain that clearly implied that Lilly had her first menstruation.

Shit.

"see, I'm sick and I'm going to die. Please take me to a doctor, I'm bleeding continuously and I don't know what's wrong with me." she sobbed and I just stared at the stain.

Curing under my breath, I rubbed my face. I tried to open my mouth to say something, to calm her but I didn't know what power was that stopping me from saying anything.

I wasn't afraid, I was just simply uncomfortable because I hadn't contemplate about this situation.

"Lilly...it's.. I mean to say.. its..." I shuttered, not able to find exactly how should I describe something like that to her.

"Am I really dying?" she asked me with some hope in her eyes, she too damn scared of everything changing around her.

Taking a loud breath, I closed my eye. Taking her hand once again with me, I made her sit in the edge of the bed and kneeled in front of her.

Wiping away the tears away from her cheeks, " Lilly, Princess you're definitely not going to die."

"I need you to listen carefully what I'm going to say okay? You're not going to die and you're totally fine. Princess it's a physiological process, I mean a process occurs usually in female body in their journey of becoming adult."

"then why am I bleeding like that? and It won't stop." She asked.

"Tomorrow I'll take you to a doctor and she'll definitely explain everything you need to know. But what I'm saying is that you don't have to be afraid of anything okay? It's pure natural thing to happen in girls around your ages."

I was sucker in the explanation but God forbid me, I didn't fucking know how to describe something to her. How could I be so dumb not to noticing the changes in her, her growing up with time. I should have taken her to a doctor in time for a counselling. I couldn't imagine how scared she felt throughout the day because of her menerche.

She didn't look like she had understood everything but the fear in her eyes had replaced with totally confusion.

In that time something clicked in my mind, "Lilly grab something to wear at night because we are going to Rosa's house. I think she'll be the better one to explain everything to you."

With that she nodded in response and I gave her a tight smile. I straight up  and turned on my feet ready to grab some of fresh air from this awkward situation but not before placing a kiss on her forehead. 

But before I could go, I turned back and looked at her longing face with so much confusion written all over it with two small bumps on her left cheeks.

I control but a smile formed on my lips, "Is that your fisrt pimple Princess? aww it's gross."

In response she stuck her tongue out and yelled "go away."

I laugh hard as I left her to grab some of her belongings. She had been growing up faster than I could imagine.  She wasn't anymore the nine years old girl with most brown big eyes I have seen, she was becoming a adult. Soon she would notice everything around her and would start questioning which answers I didn't have either.

About her life,

About her time,

About her future,

Her future was always something I had worried about. I was not sure if it was because of my existence in her life or her believe in me that I was only her saviour.

But in no time she would eventually realise.