The City Is At War

1: Krabby Patties

It was an absolutely beautiful day in Bikini Bottom. The jellyfish circling the sky in organized patterns, fluttering along, the sun shining brightly over the city inhabited by sea creatures.

The townspeople, which mainly consisted of various types of fish, happily strolled around the neighborhood. Just your average day. Or so we hope. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!!!

The one and only Mr. Krabs was driving to work both drunk and high in his boat, blasting the 2004 hit "Drop it Like it's Hot" by Snoop Dogg on his speakers, swerving over the line. He had just come back from a Snoop Dogg concert that was two hours away from Bikini Bottom.

All of a sudden, Spongebob appeared next to him. He was on his way to work at the Krusty Krab, along with the red crab, his boss.

"Hiya Spongebob, beautiful day we're having here isn't it?" The crab called to the yellow sea sponge.

The sponge smiled, noticing the crustacean's heavily bloodshot eyes. "Oh definitely. Looks like you had a fuckin' blast seeing good ol' Snoop Dogg last night. I'm a huge fan of him. I wish I could've gone but I had to watch Patrick's house because he was gone for the day out jellyfishing."

"Imma need some of this shit to ease my nerves, bro. Getting shitfaced helps me a lot" Spongebob said as he popped the top off of a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and chugged down the entirety of the clear liquid.

"Hell yeah kid, I got me some front row tickets. Wonderful experience. Arg arg argh. Plus. I'm high as heeeeellll dawg. I can see rainbows and unicorns for motherfuckin' miles.", his speech slurring as he reached down to his boat's cupholder, rolled up another blunt, and lit the end.

10 minutes later

The crustacean and the sponge arrived at the beautiful Krusty Krab. The restaurant's wooden exterior was dull as shit but the glass windows glistened in the sunlight.

They went inside and Squidward was there.

The squid was absolutely frantic, which took everyone by surprise. He's almost always a grouchy little bitch.

"SOMEONE STOLE ALL OF OUR FUCKING KRABBY PATTY MEAT! THE VAULT IS COMPLETELY EMPTY AND WE BARELY HAVE ANY CHEESE LEFT IN THE REFRIGERATOR TOO!"

Spongebob gasped. "What the fuck? How did that happen Squidward?"

"Does it look like I know, Spongebob, you drunk fuck?" Squidward replied.

Suddenly, Patrick ran through the door and went to the group of sea creatures. "GUYS! A TON OF HOUSES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED IN THE BIG PART OF TOWN! NO ONE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON!!"

Spongebob's jaw dropped. "What!?"

Patrick nodded. "Yep, and people have been disappearing left and right and the police haven't been able to find them anywhere."

Squidward gave the starfish an odd glance. "Sounds like you're overreacting just a tad."

Patrick snapped. "I'm not overreacting! Can't you see that there's clearly something wrong here?"

Then, a huge boulder crashed through the ceiling, falling on a female fish and her young daughter, crushing them in the process. A deep and rather maniacal sounding laugh thundered through the air.

Spongebob and Patrick screamed at the top of their lungs out of pure fear.

Mr. Krabs was absolutely pissed, anger present in his voice as he spat out coldly, "Argh argh! What kind of bullshit is this? No one fucking destroys me precious restaurant. I repeat no one!!"

Squidward seemed just as terrified as everyone else after hearing the laugh. "Where... where did... that creepy ass... laugh come from? There is definitely something coming, and... uh... we better find out... because I don't think it's something good." he stammered with obvious fright.

Spongebob screamed out, "Something's going to kill us, and it's probably evil!"

Random voices shouted over each other, which sounded like the sponge, the crab, and the squid.

"Why would something want to target us out of all people? We're harmless sea creatures!"

"This is way worse than a bunch of stolen Krabby Patties, it was probably Plankton's ass as usual."

"Well whatever it is, we're in fucking danger."

"If all me money is gone that bitch better walk the plank, me matey! Argh argh argh!"

"Oh for God's sake, there's something hunting us down and you're only concerned about your money, you cheap bastard? And not to mention the fact that you've been smoking so much weed lately! All you are now is an alcoholic and a pothead! Real nice!"

"ALL OF YOU, QUIET!!"

The squid cleared his throat and pointed to a dark, glimmering shadow lingering over the ceiling, creeping up to the sea creatures in a stalker-like manner. A laugh escaped from it, which sounded eerie and just like the first laugh from a few minutes ago. "What the hell are you? What do you want from us, and whatever the case may be we're not scared of you!"

The moment of silence was interrupted. "You stay away from us!"

With that, the shadow floated out the door and rushed to the other side of the street to a large, bucket-shaped building.

Spongebob perked his head up. "Guys, look! That weird evil shadow thing is headed towards the Chum Bucket!"

And there was no doubt about it. The shadow followed the rival restaurant's owner across the street. The minuscule green creature looked like he was running for his fucking life.

Plankton ran through the doors of the Krusty Krab, screaming while being chased by the evil shadow.

The tiny plankton turned to face it. "What do you want from me? I'm a little guy you demonic fucking nutcase!"

Even Mr. Krabs felt the slightest bit of remorse for Plankton, despite the latter's multiple failed attempts at stealing the crab's secret Krabby Patty recipe for years to make the Chum Bucket the superior restaurant. He wanted to get the Krusty Krab's customers to come to his restaurant, in hopes of shutting it down and help the Chum Bucket to become a better business. The Chum Bucket rarely if ever attracted any customers, and the Krusty Krab was always filled to the brim with townspeople craving those irresistibly delectable Krabby Patties. That shit didn't matter now. The plankton was still tiny and utterly defenseless. He often got stepped on.

The shadow cackled deep and loudly.

Plankton was both enraged and horrified at the same time. "Don't you dare kill me! You still didn't answer my question. Who are you?"

The hole of darkness finally spoke, much to the sea creatures' surprise. It laughed once again. "Oh, spare me your sentimental nonsense, you fools. It does not matter who I am. However, I am a mere tear in the fabric of time and space, and my allies and I must serve our great overlord. We are destined to bring this pathetic little world to its knees, and watch us laugh in the face of destruction as we rejoice in your suffering and misery! HA HA HA!"

Mr. Krabs clenched his claws together, a murderous expression streaked across his face. "Don't you even try us, you sick son of a bitch! Arg arg arg, we'll make you walk the plank!"

He ignited the tip of his blunt enough to produce a full flame, and threw it at the shadow hole.

Squidward sported a devilish grin as well. "Oh boy, there is gonna be a bloodbath tonight. You fucked with the wrong crowd."

And now the shadow was off to call its friends to haunt someone else...

A/N: someone please help the author what the fuck kind of drugs is she on