The True Creator

FSM

In the beginning there was a single unlit burner and pan. For eons the eternal burner and pan would float endlessly throughout space, joined together forever. There was no explanation for how this pan and burner was created or formed, though there have been many theories. Some scholars believe this was created with the big bang, but this wouldn't make sense since it dates back even before the big bang, as said by the ancient texts. Others believe it was created by an even mightier being which it burned and smashed, but this wouldn't make sense, since the burner was unlit, therefore it could not be burned. Though these accounts might be plausible no one really knows, since he, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is the one who created us.

The eternal burner and pan was lit by a force known today by many unbelievers, but some believers, as the big bang. Though this big bang is more formally known in the pastafarian community as the biggie big boom. The biggie big boom set the eternal burner on fire with its massive amount of heat. This started to boil the contents of the eternal burner and pan, which started to form the glorious being known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It took many eons though, the exact amount is unclear, but he finally emerged from the eternal pan. His creation was both a blessing and a curse. While he did create many of us here today, his absences from the pan caused it to crumble inward on itself and from the eternal burner he took the flame

Soon after he was created the Flying Spaghetti Monster grew tired of endlessly floating around and watching the galaxies, so he decided to create something out of his own likeness. He reached a planet which he decided to make beings in his image. He made wheat and tomatoes in which were ever plentiful and cows who were ever graceful, which a latter human religion also called sacred, but for other reasons. He decided to make the cows his sacred animal to represent his meatballs. The tomato, the plants who smiled at everyone who glanced at them, and wheat plants, who would dance eternally in the wind, were his two sacred plants. They represented his holy sauces and noodly appendages. He then made different animals and plants to enjoy his gifts. In every animal he made part of their body in likeness of himself, he made the nervous system of every animal in his likeness. The last being he created was humans. He finished his work and looked down on his creations and he saw it was good, and from then on this day was named Friday. Then he spoke to the humans.

"Go, young ones," The Flying Spaghetti Monster said, "I have created all this and I have choose you to rule over it all."

"Why us," A human asked, clearly perplexed, "Why choose us instead of one of these other creatures."

The flying spaghetti monster shrugged in response, "Because whereother animals strength, weapons, or camouflage I've given you cunning and reasoning and intelligence."

He then left earth for a long time to watch it from far away. He soon realized that the humans started to suffer without him. They would freeze during the night and burn during the day. He gave them intelligence but they could not figure out how to stay warm. They would try to keep warm throughout the night, but all answers they had were temporary. Any meat they ate would carry diseases and ultimately kill them. So he came back and brought with him the fire he saved from the eternal burner. He gave the humans fire and with it the salvation of the humans. He taught them how to cook meat and how to create more fire. Before he parted he taught them how to pick the sacred wheat and make it into noodles, and how to pick the tomatoes and make the sacred sauce. He showed them the cow and showed them how to make the divine meatballs. He gave them the divine spaghetti to eat on the most holy of days and for every time you were to partake in this meal you would say the holy prayer. 

Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day, our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R'amen.

He left earth and watched how the humans did without them. They flourished after receiving the flame and the divine meal. The people who truly realized he was the creator he bestowed his blessing. He wouldn't directly intervene with the humans anymore, yet he would help those who truly believe and asked for his holy help.