I saw her ruining herself, and I let her.
Long time ago, I had stopped following her breakfast diet, and the same with her dinner. It was after a week from these meals, that I saw, that I only got thinner. I told myself that it didn't matter, she did it to, but then I looked to her. It was as if my world shattered. She wasn't perfect. Just beautiful.
It was dark. She was sitting at my bed, saying goodnight, as she did every night. I looked at her. I did not feel any sort of affection for her, but I wanted to know what had made this. What had caused the lack of perfection.
I am still happy, that I started to chase perfection. If I hadn't started long time ago, I wouldn't know what it was, I would have thought that she looked like that, because it was perfect. But I could see that it wasn't.
And I wanted to know why.
"What's wrong?" My voice was merely a whisper.
She smiled and looked me in the eyes.
"What do you mean?"
It was like a test. The perfect answer, an answer who would not potentially insult anyone.
"You're so thin." I simply answered. And it was no lie. Her arms where thin like matches, and you could clearly see her collarbone.
She smiled melancholic. I thought she wouldn't answer, I was just her little sister, but then she sighed.
"I'm on a diet..." her eyes where glassy, and looked as if she could cry any second. I didn't actually care, it wasn't my businesses that she didn't use her perfection. There came no answer from me, but she continued. I had never seen this side of her. She was so fragile and vulnerable. Like glass. So easy to drop, so easy to shatter.
So not perfect.
"I think I'll leave Jamyl."
She began sobbing. I was shocked. Maybe he wasn't perfect. But perfect people always have right. Always. I suddenly felt doubt. In many years I had leaned at my sister. Pushed my feelings down, so my opinion wouldn't matter, so I could follow her path. The perfect path, had I thought.
And now it all shattered, died away.
"Why?" I still had the small hope that Jamyl had done something wrong. And yet, I felt something, I had never felt before. An unidentified feeling came, every time I thought about him. My natural instincts wanted to put them, where I put the rest of my feelings: In a small, secret box in the back of my mind, but somehow, it didn't stop. It just got worse. And the worst thing was, that I had a faint feeling of what it was.
She shrugged.
"I... He just doesn't accept that I am losing a bit weight."
That was when it came to me. She wasn't perfect. She had left him. She had left everything. I faked a yawn, and smiled sad to her.
"I'm... I'm sorry..."
Did she know, that only by studying her, I could fake the sympathy? Did she know just how perfect and precious she was -she had been. I doubted.
She stood up again, and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Goodnight sis."
"Goodnight" I replied quietly.
