Third Wheeling For Dummies | on hold

twenty

Taeyong checks his reflection in the phone screen one last time before getting in the car.

Which is unusual, really, because he's never checked his reflection before a date. This is the first time—and after the stupid freaking conversation and the stupid freaking confrontation it's all even worse than it already was.

His hands still at the steering wheel, and he sighs, placing his hot forehead against the cool, hard leather. It was all a big mistake, he tells himself, he was drunk and it didn't mean anything, he thinks, but it's not true, and sadly, he knows that.

Nothing he can tell himself is ever going to change the fact that he's just another liar who can't even keep a little promise.

"Dammit." He groans, and takes a deep breath. It's all gone to shit now, and if that wasn't enough, he's facing a big shitty decision that he can't make, not to save a life. He's a coward, and a liar, and he's disgusting because he still can't stop thinking about that night.

But thinking all of that's not going to help, either, and God he wishes he could at least own up, but he can't even do that, can he? He can't.

With another huge sigh and a turn of the key in the ignition, he starts the car and tries to leave all of that behind him. Taeyong knows his priorities, and for now, they mainly include getting to that coffee shop and owning the fuck up.

Maybe driving whilst emotionally unstable isn't legal. It probably isn't the best decision to make, but then he's not a good decision maker to begin with, which sucks for him because he's ranting again and that's probably going to end with him and his car dead in a ditch.

Well, maybe not that far, but it's not getting him anywhere closer to his boyfriend.

Six months. It all started six months ago.

Six months ago, when Jaeyong was supposedly going strong and the only way Taeyong knew about Ten was that he was one of the vocalists in Jaehyun's school band. That's all. And that's how it was supposed to be.

And Ten was holding a party that night, because their school won the big game and the captain or whatever he's supposed to be called was one of Ten's closest friends, so that was the whole reason why it started. Lucas, right? Yeah, his name was Lucas. Taeyong made a mental note about having words with him about keeping illicit liquor at his parties.

So that happened, and Jaehyun went with him in his car. Eight o'clock. He remembered kissing his boyfriend and smiling and waving away his concern about drinking too much. Nine o'clock, he remembered losing Jaehyun somewhere in the crowd.

The next hour, as the story is supposed to go, he would've had too much to drink, but it was actually only one glass, and even that, a shot glass. Ironically, it was ten o'clock when he first saw him.

Ten had been very pretty even when he saw him for the first time, and for the virginal, seventeen years old Taeyong, the sight of him had included stars and a hell lot of fascination.

It had started with a late-night conversation in the kitchen, which had seemed very flirtatious and almost kind of scandalous since he had started dating Jaehyun just a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it was the drink that gave him the push, but slurred words soon bled into something more, and what's worse was that it was consensual.

It was consensual when they started kissing, a little bit at first, then a little more, but they stopped soon enough when he realized what he was doing and lied about not feeling too good. Ten was sober 'cause he was the designated driver, so he dropped him off and went back to the party.

The next day, when Jaehyun introduced him as his boyfriend to the rest of the band, Taeyong had seen the look on Ten's face. And he remembered praying he wouldn't say anything.

Another thing that really sucked was that he didn't. He didn't say.

The boy just gave him this really disappointed look and he didn't even talk to him about the previous night. In the beginning he was just thankful, but then the guilt set in, and then it all went to shit when Ten told him he still held feelings.

Don't think about it.

But it's too late, and Taeyong finds himself screeching to a halt at the next red light, almost not having noticed it. He bites his lip and prays he doesn't get pulled over, and just curses himself over and over for being okay with living like that. Living a lie like that.

The only thing that's changed after that is he hates the band. He hates ever meeting Ten, he hates that he's still attracted to him, he hates that he can live with lying to his boyfriend of six months. Six months.

The relationship began with a lie, and it's probably going to end because of one. The same one.

All of this thinking makes his head hurt in a way no math equation can, and he wonders and wonders whether it means something about his love for Jaehyun.

He lies, because he doesn't want to hurt him, and because he doesn't want to hurt their relationship. But it's already hurt, isn't it? Jaehyun deserves to know, doesn't he?

And Ten—Ten doesn't say only because he knows Taeyong doesn't want him to. Because Jaehyun will believe him, and despite all he feels for him, he doesn't want to hurt his friend.

This is one hell of a noose.

When Taeyong finally reaches the coffee shop, he checks his reflection in the rearview mirror before actually leaving.

He hates that he's actually conscious about how he looks because he secretly hopes that it's going to be enough to distract Jaehyun, he hates that Jaehyun's still sitting at the same spot at the same table in the same corner as he always does, and he hates that when he enters, his boyfriend still gives him the same bright smile as he always does when he's looking down.

"Hey," Jaehyun says, smiling, as he sits down on the chair opposite him. "You look a little pale—is something wrong?"

He starts, pausing in his action of sitting down. Is something wrong? For a split second, for what seems like eternity, he ponders the question.

"No," Taeyong says finally, smiling back equally bright. "Everything's fine."