School Gossip

Delilah (Fink)

(January 20, 2019) - Okay, so, this bitchass pot-head complained about the fact that I hadn't written about them in a while, and at this point I have a lot to write about, but I was too scared to write it on the first one, I know that they'll read that one, now I'm just making it a tad bit harder for them to hear what I have to say ("say" as in completely call them out.)
alongside myself.)

Okay, so first, if you didn't read the last chapter about Delilah, they're my ex human, I say that because I'mma bitch, and we used to date (it lasted three days, get off my dick Karen.) Ummm, but, a lot of things have gone down since the last thing I wrote about them. And here are a few of them. (If they're reading this - HI DELILAH, YOU'RE A REALLY BIG HOE, BUT I LOVVVE YOUUU)

#1 - ummm, one time, during chorus, I was joking around with Delilah, being myself, because I do that sometimes. I laughed, and said in what I thought to be an obvious joking voice - "Owh, I'm not gAy." (Which is incorrect, because I'm hella gay, but still) Delilah looked at me and deadass said "Yeah, sure, but if I pushed you up against the wall right now and kissed you, you wouldn't give a fuck." During that entire speech, my heart was pounding - Delilah is confusing as heck. Once I walked out of the other room back into the main one, Delilah looked at me for a second, I looked back at them, still in awe from the conversation that happened just minutes before, Delilah laughed a bit and looked at me once again. "I'm sorry." Delilah giggled. Since then, I've gotten more and more confused with Delilah's behaviour.

#2 (January 21) - Okay, well, fuck. So um, I have a lot to say, but I don't quite know how I'm supposed to say it. - Everyday that I go to school, I feel different, but lately, I've really only felt two main emotions, happiness alongside anxiety. There's something causing this, and I feel like Delilah is what I'm searching for to explain those feelings. They make me feel confused and anxious, but in the same I feel excited, but what for? My head does this thing where it feels like it's spinning, but only when Delilah is around, only when THEY are present. Today we saw one another in the hall and we sorta walked around for a bit, we have new encore classes, we were conversing on that topic, they have computer sciences while I have art. Whilst we were strolling the Halls of the school, I reached into my pocket to grab my pencil, but my thumb hit the side of the cardboard (of a bubblegum package) and I felt it slide on to my flesh and slowly cut through it like a sword. I yelled in sudden confusion and pain, yanking my hand from my pocket. Delilah seemed concerned and looked at me in confusion. I explained that I pricked my thumb on the cardboard, resulting in a paper cut. Them, being themself, grabbed my hand. I didn't expect Delilah to put their mouth to the wound, I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I squirmed awkwardly unsure of what was going on. After that, they held my hand by the thumb assuring that would stop the bleeding, I felt odd, not bad odd, just strange. After that I left them so I could go to class, my mind had turned to mush, the only thing on my mind, what had just gone down. In art, Mr. Rosholt asked us to draw one of three things, something man made, something from nature, or something from your imagination. I struggled with my thoughts for the first five minutes, but eventually - I thought of something, a dream I had, one with Delilah in it, one that I had months ago. I thought of the perfect scene out of the dream, Delilah and I were walking out of a wardrobe, everything looked crazy, something straight out of a fairy tale, but I started and got upset, so I stopped drawing it, turned to a new page, and started to draw once more, this time my drawing turned more into a vent. I crossed out the girls' eyes and the wardrobe was dark and shadows were everywhere, I have no idea why that's what I turned it into, but it's what I did.
After that I found my way back into the hall and began walking to chorus. During chorus we did ice breakers, I somehow managed to go by Delilah like a bigilion times (that's not a number) and messed with their hair and put my hands around their neck because I'm too awkward to do anything else. It was two Truths and a lie, mine being my favourite planet's Jupiter, I'm 13, and I have eight siblings, the eight siblings being the lie (I have seven). Delilah's were "I am COMPLETELY straight, I'm fourteen, and I'm from Chicago" - I'm quite sure you could guess the lie. After those were read I went back by their side, well, kind of, I went behind them and put my hands against their neck, mainly because my hands were freezing, but nonetheless. Besides all of that, there's not much else that happened during choir.
Once 3rd/4th hour(s) were finished I walked out of the locker room and into the cafeteria area, I can't explain why, but a wave of anxiety came over me just then, and due to it, I felt unsure of my surroundings, which, if you've known me long enough, you'd be used to it. I stood at the edge of Olivia's table, not feeling comfortable beside her, not feeling safe around the people that sat in front of me, I anxiously glanced around for something to save me. Help didn't come, I stood there aimlessly, Olivia seemed rather upset with me not sitting with her, but I couldn't help the fact that I wanted to escape something that I was unaware even existed.
I saw a way out.
For some reason, whenever I want to talk to Delilah, I feel the need to make up some sort if excuse to justify why, some "ok me" reason to be near them, sometimes it's Kain, other times it's me asking a question, or pestering Leah. I didn't have an excuse this time, I walked over to Delilah, my mind was shifting and I was afraid, but I came to stand behind Delilah, and eventually my mind no longer thought, merely acted. At some point my hands were on Delilah's neck and I have no clue what I was doing, I just, sorta, kinda just had my hands there, or at first. I smoothed my fingers over her throat, sometimes I added pressure, I guess I wanted to see if they'd react. Or I lightly hit the sides of their neck and set my arms atop of their head, my brain wanting to hide Everytime they looked up at me. Some point later, I was still messing with their neck/face and they puckered their lips at me, I smacked their neck and they asked "Why can't you choke people like a normal person?" I shrugged a bit and began rolling my thumbs near the middle of their neck. I played with their hair and did stupid shit like that - because I'm me, I do those kinds if things.