The Shy Thug

Messy Messy

(naieem george)

"I can't believe this nigga really stepped out on me," I thought to myself.  I feel bad about not talking to him before he broke out to Maryland but it is what it is.  It's ironic that I feel so hurt by what he did and him telling me that he didn't want to be a hypocrite because now the shoe was on the other foot. But, I was thankful that with everything Luis and I went through, he was able to maintain the story like we'd practiced so many times—just in case some crazy shit like this happened. I was on the verge of coming clean with Noah yesterday and honestly, I don't know why I didn't. That could have been my chance at a clean slate.

Noah definitely has my heart but the sex with Luis is just... different. Damn. Couple that with the fact that we'd been doing this for years on and off, I was definitely caught up. Every time he and I would link up and mess around, as soon as I nutted, I instantly felt like shit.  What would Noah do if he found out the truth? I'm acting crazy toward him now for sucking some dude off but I can't imagine what he would do to me.

I sat in my living room in the dark just thinking and I came to the realization that I wasn't even mad at Noah for 'cheating' but I was more so mad at myself because I was doing him dirty; and then when I had a chance to admit it, I fell back.  What the fuck is wrong with me? My phone started buzzing and I saw that it was Luis calling. I took a deep breath before answering.

"Yo what up primo. You good," he sounded excited to speak to me. "Yeah,  I'm chillin. Just feel like shit honestly," I confessed to him. "You in your feelings?  Sheesh, I never thought I would see the day," he said. It was almost as if I could hear him smiling through the phone. It dawned on me at that moment. I could really lose Noah over this shit. And sadly, it was that moment when I realized I didn't want to live without him in my life

"I love him man. What can I say," I said back to Luis. "Well if it makes you feel any better, I felt bad about lying to the little dude too," Luis said in an attempt to make me feel better. I knew he was lying though. From the day Noah and I made it official, I sensed some jealousy from Luis. He would never admit it, but he was. From the slick comments he would make whenever I mentioned Noah to him joking about sabotaging my relationship, I knew there was more to it than he led on.

"Anyway, Carlos said thanks for getting the bread back to him and if you need some work, you know where to find him," he said switching the subject. I wasn't entertaining that shitand I told him, "Nope, I'm good. I just needed the money then.  Niggas getting shot and me being in debt with C again? I'm definitely good." "Don't be a pussy man.  But yo, I'm about to go take my son and my girl out to eat.  You think I can come through later on," I asked asked in a low tone. I just explained to him how shitty I was feeling and he asks me this. "Nah man. I'm cutting that shit off.  As much as I like that dick, we cant fuck around anymore, Lu," I said seriously. "YO are you serious? This little dude really has your mind fucked up huh? I guess you forgot who had you first, huh," Luis said in attempt to guilt me. But it wasn't going to work. "Yup. Its better we just stop now because at the end of the day, we can never be together; and besides, I love Noah. I'll talk to you later my dude," I shot back at him, not thinking twice.

I hung up the phone before Luis could keep talking and try to talk me out of my decision to stop fucking him.  Regardless, Luis was my boy and he helped me get through some tough times but I just can't continue to disrespect Noah.
...

Its been about a week since I last saw Noah and I was missing him like crazy. I looked at my phone and started watching a video that we recorded.  I remember the day like it was yesterday. We'd spent the entire day in Jersey, which was not really typical since Noah loved staying in the city. We went to this nude beach on the Jersey Shore and spent the entire day laughing at these old white dudes that were letting it all hang out.  I remember just watching him sleep with his fat ass poked out as his sunkissed brown skin glimmered. I ended up having to get a towel before my hard dick was exposed to the world.  That day was perfect. Noah even called himself being a chef and cooked us meal. That man never cooks! "Damn my boy is perfect," I thought to myself. On the ride back to my crib, Noah gave me head while I was driving and almost caused me swerve into another car as he sucked up my nut.  Perfect memories like that made my heart melt and had me missing him even more.

But then, I thought about the dirt again.  The next morning after Noah and I had a couple rounds, he left to go back home and Luis came to make a pick up.  I didn't even have the energy to fuck but when he pulled his dick out, I just came back to life.  Those Dominican dudes, man.  Luis never let me top him but I didn't care because he had amazing pipe game; but the fact that he was in a "relationship" (I called it shacking up) and had a kid, I just couldn't get attached to him. "I'm a fucking scumbag," I said to myself.  I couldn't go any longer without to talking to Noah, though. I needed to hear his voice. See his face. I hit him up on FaceTime

"Hey wassup with you Nah. I was wondering when I would hear from you again," he said trying to stop himself from smiling. "Why didn't you hit me up," I asked holding back a huge grin of my own. It felt good to see his face. "Well, I figured you still needed time. I was giving you that. That's what you wanted, right, You still mad at me," he asked in a half smirk as he bit his bottom lip. I just stared at the screen for a second. I had a thought but quickly flashed a smiled before saying, "Nah boo. I'm over it.  It was just hard for me to know that someone else had you. I took a second to see where you were coming from and I understand. I'm not mad at you babe." "Why did you make that face," he asked with a raised eyebrow. Here I go again, I thought. I could never hide how I was feeling—even through facetime. "I, umm. I don't know just thinking too hard I guess," I said not sure how to approach this conversation.

He wasted no time trying to get his cyber freak on, "Oh Ok. I miss my little man too. I've been getting to know myself a lot lately," he said laughing as he made a jerking motion with his hand. "Oh word, let me see how much you've been getting to know yourself," as I gave him a lusty gaze. He laughed before saying, "Chill Nah, my roommate is in here." Noah and I played around for a bit and I got a nut with my boo once his roommate finally left. It wasn't as good as feeling him inside me or busting his ass but it was worth while. I tried to find a way to come clean to Noah but its like we just picked up where we left off before all of the shit hit the fan and I didn't want to ruin the moment.  Maybe I should do a pop up on him like he did to me?  The thing is I know for sure I'm not going to know how to tell him.  How will he trust me after this? "Fuck the truth man," I screamed out. I decided to take a shower and try to clear my mind but this time, being in the bathroom had some crazy effect on me.  As I stood in the mirror, I recalled Luis having his arm wrapped around my neck as he stroked me slowly, never letting his eyes leave mine in our reflection. "Este es mi agujero Nah. Noah maldito," he whispered in my ear that had me shooting my nut all in the sink. Afterwards I asked him what that meant and he said, "That's my hole. Fuck Noah." I laughed it off in the moment but I regretted it as I recalled it. The disrespect I displayed. "Maybe I should just let Noah go too," another thought popped in my head.

To say I was on an emotional rollercoaster was an understatement. My lust for Luis was slowly turning to resentment.
While the shower ran, I looked at Luis's toothbrush and noticed Noah took his with him. I punched the bathroom mirror and shattered it. There was glass everywhere and my blood from my knuckles dripped on the floor and in the sink.