Three Little Birds

Amends

It was almost three a.m. when I parted from Liz's company, both of us deciding it was long past bedtime. I was exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Liz and I had been alternating between talking and crying with a sprinkle of laughter from time to time.

I was worried about Mykel. I hadn't seen much of him since I'd run from him and his attempts to get me in the shower three days ago. He left early in the morning and came home late.

Around midnight I heard him pull into the driveway and not long after I heard him at the back door. I hoped he'd come outside to greet us, but when I looked to my right, he wasn't there. Lightly I sighed.

"He won't come out here," Liz stated gently, watching where my gaze traveled to.

"I miss him." My eyes lowered to my folded hands that sat in my lap. The air was crisp but not too cold as winter transformed into spring.

"He misses you, too, Mattie."

I smiled sadly. "Wouldn't know with this avoiding." My voice held the slightest tone of bitterness.

"He thinks you're upset with him still for the other day. He feels like he was pushing too hard and now doesn't know how to approach you. He doesn't want to upset you further." I nodded not saying anything. "I did tell him to give you a little space, but I did not imply to completely avoid you. He's upset with himself and thinks that maybe this way, he at least won't hurt you."

"I've tried approaching him a few times. He just...smiles sadly, doesn't say much, and walks away from me."

Liz nodded. "Yeah, it's what he does. Maybe you should try again."

I leaned heavily into the door frame, my eyes closed as I took steading breaths in preparation of sleeping alone again tonight. I pushed my door open and froze, my breath solidifying in my lungs and throat. Mykel. He lay sleeping on my bed, my pillow clutched to his chest. As I came closer to him I saw evidence of tears drying on his cheeks. One corner of my mouth upturned the slightest bit. He couldn't have fallen asleep too long before I made my way in the room by evidence of the moisture on his face, clumping his eyelashes.

Silently I undressed down to my boxers and changed into a fresh t-shirt before climbing into bed beside Mykel. I placed my face against his spine, feeling the muscles underneath. They were tight and tense as if his dreams were flashing before him images he'd rather not relive. I wished at that moment we could reach each other once again. My right arm snaked around his ribcage, coming around to rest against his formed and muscular chest. Lightly I gripped the shirt he wore, and I paid no mind to the few tears that soaked into his back.

I breathed him in deeply, his scent engulfing me in its entirety. I had known, of course, that I missed him, but until that precise moment, I knew not how much. I didn't realize how much a part of me he had become, nor did I understand how much I needed him. I had never needed anyone before Liz and then Mykel and the concept of it scares me even now and a decade later.

When I woke next Mykel had his arms around me, comfortably snug, with my head resting against his chest. My eyes moved upward to his face where I found him watching me. Faintly he smiled, seemingly now unsure if I would want him there now. Tightening my grip around him, I moved that much closer to him. It was Sunday and the shop was closed. I also had the day off. I didn't want to start the day in tears so I let my eyes drift away from his gaze and simply enjoyed being held by him for the first time in what felt like far too long.

I felt gentle fingers push softly through my hair and a light brushing of his lips against my forehead. It was a move and a gesture that made my throat close anyway, and my eyes watered against my will. When his thumb brushed away the tears, I turned my head into his shoulder in an attempt to regain my self-control.