Lost life

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"Won't you get up? It's getting late.", asked Hoseok for the third time in the morning. Jimin's body was curled up into a ball, his back turned to his roommate. "I catched a cold.", he told him and coughed a bit. "Why didn't you tell me before? What can I get you?"

Hoseok, the loving and worrying person he was, was ready to help Jimin wherever he could. "I don't need anything, only a day off.", he rasped out. The blanket on his body went up to his nose, covering everything for Hoseok not to see anything. "Tell me if you need something. I mean it.", added Hoseok, because he knew Jimin liked to hide himself from him.

"Don't worry, I will.", assumed his roommate, not moving one itch. With a sigh, left Hoseok Jimin's room and went out to go to classes. As Jimin heard the front door close, relief flooded through him and he sat up. He was happy that Hoseok didn't see him beat up, again.

After Jimin checked his phone, only to see seven missed calls from Jungkook and two texts from Minho, from which he only answered the texts, he closed his eyes again. He thought back to what the cause of his actual pain said again.

*"Next time do what I say!"*

His voice rang in his ears and Jimin shivered. What in the world did he mean with that anyway? The silver-haired couldn't find an answer and felt a bit annoyed by that. As he wanted to move his hand up to his hair, he flinched. He forgot his tiny injuries littering his fingers and hands. 

He decided to stand up instead and he could say that most of his movements did hurt him a lot. He was lucky that Yoongi didn't hurt his knees again. But then again, Jimin's head was in a awful pain.

He sighed shakily as he got to his feet and slowly walked over to his bathroom. After a normal morning routine, Jimin's day was filled with sighing and out of pain while he rolled around in his bed, too lazy to do anything. Just as he felt tiredness coming over him, his eyes closed again. And in that very same moment, his phone rang again. Mindlessly, he took it from wherever and looked at who disturbed him. It was Mark.

"What?", sighed Jimin tired into the speaker. "Where are you?", he only asked. "I'm sick in bed, leave me alone." He really wanted to get some sleep. "Alright, do you need something? Can I come over?" Mark's voice was too hyped and Jimin felt slightly annoyed by it. "No, it's okay." After Jimin reassured him over five times that he didn't need anything, he hanged up and groaned. As if it was possible to find sleep again. 

The second part of the day was spent in bed again, going sure that Hoseok won't find out about his injuries. And he got lucky when his roommate didn't take a glimpse of them, while he tried to care for Jimin. The silver head only pushed him away, saying that he only needed sleep and a warm bed. Though after some hours, Hoseok wanted him to move up. Still, being the wannabe lazy and anxious thing he was, Jimin refused, for him not to find out about his encounter with Yoongi.

That was until Hoseok literally dragged him out of bed, he saw the bruise on Jimin's nose and gasped. "What's that? Wait, did he-" Jimin just interfered, telling him everything he needed to know. Disapproval and anger was mixed on Hoseok's face, something Jimin didn't see before.

"Why didn't you tell me?! And what is his damn problem?!" The younger felt his headache kick in again, as his friend rose his voice at him. "Calm down, please.", begged Jimin in a quit voice. "How do you expect me to calm down!? Look at you!", rose the elder his voice more. "It's really not a big thing. It doesn't even hurt.", tried Jimin to reassure him. "Don't try to lie to justify this. Jimin that's just so, excuse my language, ed up, okay?!" Hoseok's hand found his forehead and he sighed angrily.

"Why are you even lying, telling me you're sick!?", remembered the elder. "I did not. I did catch a cold, I mean it." Jimin's voice was nearly nonexistent. The angry features on the face of his friend didn't make him feel better at all.

"I 'm sorry.", whispered Jimin in addition. "Me too. Jimin, why don't you let us help you? Why do you think you have you hide everything?" The elder's voice calmed a bit down, but he was I don't obviously still upset.

Jimin played nervously with his fingers, avoiding to look at him.

"I don't want to be a burden to you. I'm always being a burden to anyone, including all of you. I don't want that to continue, because you'll hate me later on for that.", he admitted shakily, making the one in front of him more upset. "You aren't! You never were and you aren't going to be a god damn burden to us!", yelled his roommate, making him jump at the sudden outburst. He never cursed like that. "Why the hell do you think that?!"

"I told you, it always happened before. And I don't want that, that's why." Jimin didn't dare to look up to Hoseok.

"Jimin, you aren't making it any better with that.", sighed the elder. "I know, I'm sorry.", murmured the silver head once more, with tears hidden in his eyes.

Hoseok was still in rage but didn't know what to say anymore.

"Food is in the microwave.", he just pointed out, before he left his roommate alone. Tears spilled out of Jimin's eyes, no matter how much he didn't want them to leave. "I'm sorry.", he said, even though he was only with himself. His crying never ceased, not until he found his bed and slowly drifted to his dreadful dreams. His body was shaking from sobbing for so long, his eyes red and his body hurting. Just before he entered his nightmares at night, a thought crossed him, which he never even dared to speak out. He told himself that it wasn't even true, but how could he say to again in that very moment? The thought consumed him, taking all of his minds over. It was too late to tell him otherwise, he knew it was true.

"He was right. I should have ended things a long time ago. If I'd have done that, so many things could have been better. Better without me. I'm sorry I haven't done it, even when he told me to. I'm sorry, that I wanted to feel loved in this life."

His nightmares showed him, how much love he thought he'd actually deserve.