Lost life

Break, Part one

"Jimin! Jimin, wake up!" Hoseok shook his body, trying to wake his whining and kicking roommate up. And luckily his eyes opened, horror filled in them. He was breathing hard, sweating and his teary eyes found Hoseok. "It's okay. It's over now.", assured him his roommate and he nodded slightly, trying to calm himself down. He sat up on his bed, thanking his roommate. "Are you okay now?" Even if Jimin felt the very opposite of okay, he nodded. "Don't lie to me." Jimin's eyes found his and he saw the worry written in them. "I'm fine now, thank you again.", reassured Jimin to him and smiled. A smile no one would have bought. "Okay." Hoseok left and Jimin had a wired feeling creeping up his spine. He even saw the worry in his eyes, but Jimin really thought that his roommate began to hate him. Something he tried to avoid so much. Something he knew that would have happened anyway.

It was 5 in the morning and Jimin didn't want to sleep again. He couldn't. His mind was clouded with an upset Hoseok, his furious father and his bully called Yoongi. Two from three were disappointed in him and the last one had fun too see him in pain, he knew. He couldn't stand it. The thought that he made everyone upset around him, only because he was there. Only because his parents didn't abort him, like they even wanted to. He remembered how he heard it everyday, how they regretted to have him. Jimin didn't blame them though, he never did. He knew that he was just a waste, that something better could have been there instead of him. That he didn't even matter to anyone. Too many people showed him that, and for too long he ignored it. But as he was laying in his bed, the dark room around him, he knew that everyone was right. His parents had all the right to call him a mistake. Jungkook had all the right to treat him like he did. Yoongi had all the right to beat him up. That was the world, showing him that Jimin didn't deserve to be alive. He realized it too late for his liking, too late at all. 

If I would have listened to him, if I'd have just done it.", he whispered to himself, a tear leaving his eye. Followed by another and another, before he buried his face in his pillow. He didn't notice the time flying by and got startled as he noticed a hand on his shoulder. With puffy and red eyes, he looked up from his pillow. Hoseok knelt in front of his bed, worry was clear on his face. "You know that you can talk to me.", he nearly whispered while his hand ran up and down on Jimin's back. The silver haired shook his head as a no and buried his face in his pillow again. "Jimin look up." Again, he shook his head. "Please, Jimin.", begged Hoseok in a soft voice. And he did, fear in his eyes. "What are you afraid of?", Hoseok just asked. "That you'll, you'll hate me.", he confessed shakily. "Hate you for what?" Confusion and worry were mixed in Hoseok's face. "For me being here.", he answered honestly. "You are ridiculous." "It happened before.", added Jimin. "When? With who?" His roommate wanted to know who made him think that at all. But Jimin's fear filled eyes, turned to pain and horror. "No need to answer me.", told him Hoseok quickly. "Just know that I'm not like the people before."

"You aren't, but that won't change it. Nothing will.", whispered the younger. "Jimin you-" "Don't. I'm okay."

"Obviously, you aren't. That's the thing I hate, that you actually hide everything. I'm no one to judge you or anything, you can talk to me." His voice got louder and Jimin avoided to look at him. "Where's the problem?"

"Here." Hoseok looked at him confused, before Jimin pointed at himself. "Don't say that. You are not a problem." "I'm the biggest problem and worth nothing. Yoongi did right when he beat me up." The shock at Jimin's words was huge. "What has gotten into you?", he asked slowly. Hoseok didn't want to hear the answer at all.

"Reality." Jimin looked at him with no emotions written on his face. Like a blank sheet of paper. "Jimin, are you okay?" The one in front of him began to smile. "Why are you asking if you know the answer?", asked Jimin back, before he got up and went into the bathroom, leaving a more confused and extremely worried Hoseok behind.

Nine days were left, before Christmas break started, meaning that exams over exams were going to be written. And in addition, Jimin and Minho had a presentation for their art class, which went pretty well.

Every other day was only one thing to do. Studying which was good for Jimin. After Hoseok wanted the younger to open up to him, they didn't talk anymore. He always came late in the evening to the apartment, studying alone in the library. He did everything to avoid Hoseok, he didn't even answer texts from him. The elder only got more worried over the younger. He talked about that to Minho and Mark, but they seemed clueless too. Every time they wanted to talk to Jimin about anything including him, he clearly was uncomfortable. It was a question of time when Jimin began to distance himself from them as well. The last three days were the worst for Jimin, since he had two exams to write. He couldn't describe it, but he somehow made it through them. Finally Friday, finally holidays, was it for Jimin. Exhausted, he made his way from the university. He was overly tired since he studied the whole night and only wanted to sleep. As he finally entered the apartment, he heard voices. Familiar voices. Hoseok's door opened and he looked in surprise at Jimin. Behind him, Mark and Minho. "Hey, Jimin. Come on." Of course, it was Mark, dragging Jimin to his own room and sitting down on his bed. The others followed them of course. In annoyance, Jimin looked up to every one of them. He only wanted to sleep. "What do you want?", he asked and rubbed his eyes. "Hmm, do you have a fever?" Mark's hand came up to Jimin's forehead and he shook his head. "Doesn't seem like it.", he sighed. "Could you let me sleep? Please?", he asked desperately. "Nope, you first tell us what's wrong here.", stated Mark. Jimin rolled his eyes. "Are you serious right now?" His annoyance grew. "Just tell us.", encouraged Hoseok from the doorway. "My problem right now is that I didn't sleep last night and I could need it right now. Could you be so nice and give me the last eight hours to sleep, because I'd be grateful.", snapped Jimin at them and Mark rolled his eyes. "Jimin, either you tell us or you can wait another eight hours before your head is going to hit your pillow. Decide.", taunted Mark. "It's nothing, my god. Why do you even think something is wrong?" "Because you are being a since I don't know and it's getting on my nerves. And Hoseok thinks you  are mental.", he added like it's nothing and the mentioned person paled.

"Seriously?", asked Jimin, looking up to the one he shares an apartment with. "I'm not mental and I'm not either. Would you mind your own business now?" "Show me your arms.", blurted Hoseok out. All the three heads turned to him. "What?", they asked. Hoseok walked over to Mark and Jimin, kneeling on the ground in front of the youngest. "Come on, show me." "And why should I?", rose Jimin an eyebrow. "Yeah, why should he?", asked Mark as well. "Just let me see.", said the black haired. With a roll of his eyes, Jimin rolled his sleeves up to let him see his arms. "And now what?" Jimin's attitude really got him.

"Stop fucking around", told him Mark in a lower voice, looking over to his kneeling friend. He only saw some scars and some old bruises, nothing he really needed to worry about. "What are you looking for?"

"It's nothing, but Jimin please talk to us. Whatever it is, don't think we'll push you away or something.", tried his roommate to assure Jimin and the other two agreed. "Stop acting on us, it's like we know you already.", added Mark. "You can trust us, if you want to we won't tell anyone anyways.", assured Minho as he joined Hoseok on the ground.

Jimin felt his heart beating dangerously fast as he looked at the three. All wore sincere and honest smiles on their faces, waiting for Jimin to respond. Something he couldn't do. "Why?" His voice was quiet and sounded like he used it straight for hours. His palms began to swear and he was aware that his mouth became dry. "Why what?", asked Mark back, but Jimin kept silent. He only looked down at his hands, not saying one word.

"Jimin?", asked Minho, as the youngest began to shake slightly. Hoseok's hand found his arm trying to calm him a bit. "Jimin, look at me.", told him Hoseok to do, but he didn't. Jimin didn't feel good, his body felt cold and something felt more wrong. His head began to pound and his eyes began to close. Jimin wanted to scream, but kept silent.

Hoseok's hand shook onto Jimin's shoulder lightly, waiting for him to look up. Instead, Jimin's body collapsed just into Mark's lap next to him, staying still. Hoseok first gasped, but calmed down quickly.

"He's exhausted.", sighed Minho and touched Jimin's forehead and cheeks. "The boy is costing me nerves.", groaned the eldest.

"Don't be harsh on him.", scolded Minho. "Not like that, but I'm fucking worried that he's really going mental here.", confessed Mark. "He's fragile, that's for sure. But I don't think he's going mental here,", told them the black haired. "He's not going mental. He already is.", told them Hoseok. "You aren't serious.", said Minho in disbelief. "I live with him Minho, trust me he is."