Unexpected Encounters [B.H.M.]

33

The evening with Brian on Saturday had turned out to be wonderful. It was something I really had needed. Maybe it even made me feel a little better, only for a moment. However, Brian had the kids on Sunday, so I didn't see him then. He had asked if I wanted to join them, he was planning on taking them to a museum with his mum, but I told him no. Not because I didn't want to spend a day with them, but because I didn't want to spend a day with them feeling the way I felt. That wouldn't help anyone. But I didn't tell him that because I didn't need him to worry. He should enjoy the time he got with his kids and his mum, family time like that was important.

So spent the Sunday doing nothing, procrastinating mostly, because I couldn't really get myself to do much. It wasn't good, I knew that, but I also knew that I would probably have to decide whether to put my energy into cooking or preparing for the week. And I decided that food was more important in that moment.

I did cook, and I did eat, but then I went to bed pretty soon because I knew I'd be struggling to fall asleep. The earlier I went to bed, the more likely it was that I would end up getting enough sleep. Monday morning still came too soon. But I had been through this before, it was almost like a clock work. I knew I had to keep pushing through and it would go away. It was tough while it lasted, but I had gotten through it before. I had to get through it again. I had to, because I knew Brian needed me to get it together. Maybe not, but that's what I told myself.

I made it through the day, somehow, on Monday, but I was beyond relieved when I could finally close the door of my flat behind me. I'd made enough food the night before so I didn't have to cook again, which meant I could re-heat the food and then just sit on the couch and do nothing, hoping that the telly would distract me enough so I wouldn't get hung up on my thoughts.

While my food was in the microwave, I got changed into some comfortable not-caring clothes. And then with my bowl of food and a bottle of beer I slumped down on the couch and turned on the telly. I didn't even really watch, I just sat there, and ate my dinner, but it somehow didn't even really taste like anything. 

When I had finished my food, I covered myself with a blanket before I grabbed one of the pillows, hugging it tight. If there was no one there to hug, a pillow had to do as a substitute. It was better than nothing, and at least I didn't have to feel bad about possibly leaving a tear stain on a pillow. I sighed, reaching for a tissue because the telly was becoming too blurry to see.

I took a deep breath, letting out a frustrated groan when my phone rang. Did I really have to get up answer it? The phone decided that for me when it stopped ringing. I didn't have to get up apparently. Good, I could continue to try and focus on the telly, and more importantly fail.

However, my phone rang again and this time I felt bad about not answering it, so after nearly tripping over the blanket I hurried to answer it.

"Hello?" I answered it, clearing my throat before repeating myself before my voice had sounded horrendous.

"Frida! Hi," I heard a familiar voice over the phone.

Brian. Of course. I wasn't sure if I could handle that right now. "Hi," I greeted him, a lot less enthusiastically. We had reversed roles for the moment as it seemed.

"How are you? How was your day?" He asked.

"Yeah, uhm... the usual, I guess," I replied. I wasn't really sure how to answer that without being suspicious.

"That's good. So, I'm calling to see if you want to come over again. It would be nice, we could get some dinner and watch a film, I still have the ones I rented for the kids for last night."

Oh dear. I didn't want to go out again, really not. I took a deep breath. Hopefully I'd be able to tell him in a reasonable, believable way that I wasn't up for it tonight. "Uhm... I-I actually already had dinner," I started. "And if I'm honest, I'm exhausted. It's been a long day." That wasn't entirely true, that wasn't the only reason, but it was a reason he'd believe. Hopefully. "I'm sorry," I apologised, meaning that. I knew he always enjoyed spending evenings with me, so I felt bad about denying him that tonight.

"Oh." I could hear his disappointment, and it physically hurt if I was honest. "Alright," he said slowly. "That's fine, don't worry. I get that, you deserve some rest then. But maybe tomorrow night then?"

I took a deep breath. This gave me some time to mentally prepare. "Alright," I agreed. I knew his company would do me good. "We can do that. Do you want me to come over to yours?" 

"Yeah, sure, that would be nice. I'll make sure that I have some food here for us."

I nodded a little. "Yes, that would be good. When do you want me to come over?" I asked, hoping I would get some time to relax at home after work. Even though that might also not be a good idea because it would make it easier for me to give in to the temptation to not go out again, because that was so simple.

"Mh, how about around six? But if you want to come over earlier, that's fine with me too. I'll be home after three, so come over any time after that," he offered. I might take him up on that, I decided.

"Okay," I told him. Should I bring anything?"

"No, just bring yourself," he told me, somehow managing to make me smile. "You should maybe take the bus though, if that's okay, I have a friend parking in the driveway as well at the moment so another car couldn't fit."

"That's fine," I said, even though I wasn't sure if it really was. We would see. "So... I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yes, you will. I'm looking forward," he told me, sounding like he meant that.

I wasn't sure I could really sound like I meant it, but I replied that I was looking forward too, because it was almost obligatory. We hung up the phone, and I returned to the couch for a bit longer before I went to bed. I was exhausted by the world and sleep was the only escape which really worked.

The next morning I forced myself to take a shower before I went to work. I made it through the day, but when I got home I was exhausted. So I didn't allow myself to get comfortable, I simply packed a bag, got changed and then got on the bus and tube over to Brian's house. I was looking forward to just relaxing now. Away from people, most people at least. It would be okay to be around Brian, because he was Brian.

It took some time to get there, but when I walked up to the by now so familiar house, I found myself looking forward, I would be spending time with a good friend and that was what I needed. Just a good friend, and doing nothing.

When I knocked, Brian took a few minutes before he replied, with a smile on his face, taking me a little by surprise if I was honest. But it was good that he was smiling. I had to do all I could to make sure I didn't ruin his mood. "Hi," I greeted him, before he hugged me, and I hugged him back tightly. I needed that hug, and it seemed like he sensed that because he wrapped his arms around me a little tighter for a moment.

"Hi," he returned the greeting. "How are you doing?" He asked, pulling away to look at me.

I decided not to reply to that directly. "I'm just really looking forward to this evening with you," I said, managing a smile. "Do you have anything planned?"

"Just those films. I'm assuming you won't mind watching kids' films?"

He made smiling easier than it had been these days. "Not at all," I assured him. "It actually sounds nice."

And it turned out to be really nice. He had a bunch of films rented, and he convinced me to play that card game again, which I gave in to because it had been kind of fun. We had a fun night again, and it got later than we had anticipated, like it usually was the case with us somehow. So Brian offered me to stay the night again. I was reluctant, because I had to work the following morning, but Brian promised he'd wake me early enough and make me breakfast, so I gave in. Going home on public transport this late at night would be a nightmare anyway. And if I was honest, I did enjoy staying at Brian's house, and the prospect of him making me breakfast on a school day was very nice. 

We got ready for bed, and before bed I managed to get another hug, which was wonderful, if I was honest. It was so wonderfully comforting and I had no one else to hug apart from him. With that fresh memory of the warm, comforting hug, I made my way up to the second floor, to the guest room. I didn't really know if I should be surprised to find the guest room exactly the way I had left it the last time I was over. Somehow it had turned into 'my' room at Brian's house.

It was easier to fall asleep here than it was at home, luckily. I didn't know why, but I wasn't complaining. I loved being here at Brian's house, it was turning into one of my happy places if I was honest.