My Badger | Sirius Black

VII: Azkaban

"YOU HAVE STARS IN YOUR EYES", Edgar Flynn told Sirius Black, the last night they spent within the safe walls of Hogwarts. A party had been arranged by the Gryffindors for all the graduating students. The couple had left the Gryffindor tower, where the party was held, and now sat in an abandoned corridor on the cold stone floor, just looking at each other.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked bewildered and amused all at once. "Are you drunk?"

Edgar laughed, a little too loud, making one of the nearby portraits start to complain. He quickly covered his own mouth and whispered a 'sorry' in the direction of the portrait. "Definitely drunk", Sirius shook his head a little, making some of it fall in his face. Edgar, even though slightly drunk, reacted quickly by stroking back the hair so it didn't cover up Sirius stunning face. "You have stars in your eyes", the boy repeated, letting his thumb caress the other boy's cheek while once again stare intently into the beautiful grey eyes. Sirius leaned into the warm touch with a soft smile.

The soft moonlight that shone through a nearby window, reflected into the blue-green eyes of Edgar, making Sirius think that the stars he was talking about were the actual reflection of the stars outside the window.

"You are drunk", Sirius said with a smirk and leaned forward slightly as his eyes shifted to Edgar's lips. "Maybe a little", the taller boy admitted as he too leaned forward just a little. Sirius gently cupped his boyfriend's face and softly molded his lips together with Edgar's.

The Hufflepuff wasn't usually the most forward of the two when it came to the physical side of their relationship, but that night he felt braver with the firewhiskey giving him more courage. One of his hands went to the back of Sirius' head, entangling his fingers in his soft black hair. The other arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss. A surprised gasp came from the shorter boy, but he didn't separate himself from the other, instead, leaning in and welcoming the sudden actions that made his body melt.

They sat like that for most of the night, whispering, kissing, laughing, hiding under James Potter's invisibility cloak that Sirius had 'borrowed' when they heard someone approach. The world outside was forgotten. The ongoing war was not on their minds. Only each other. Only that moment.

Unbeknownst to them both, they had been thinking of the same moment, even though separated from each other at that point in time. Neither of them could sleep despite it being in the middle of the night. One of them stares out their window, seeing the stars. The other did not know if it was day or night.

They both longed to have that moment back. When they were both free. When they were not separated by war. When they were together. When they were in each other's arms and could forget about the world outside. When they could feel truly warm again.

But Edgar had his freedom. He could continue with his life, he could try and go back to sleep and feel somewhat relaxed.

Sirius on the other hand... that was another story. He was only a shell from his former self, clinging on to one of the only thoughts that kept him sane. Clinging on to the thought that he was innocent, knowing that it had been the rat who had been the traitor.

He felt guilty, so guilty. Guilty because he trusted Peter Pettigrew as a brother. Guilty because he had not followed through with the original plan. Guilty because he had not been there to protect his friends when they needed. Guilty because he had not listened to Edgar when he yelled at him for not trusting Remus. Guilty because he ever accused Remus of being the monster he had believed himself to be when they were still in school.

The negative thoughts Sirius had have at least help him stay alive longer in the dark prison cell along with him transforming into Padfoot whenever the dementors were near without any wizards or witches around. He was determined to live long enough to prove his own innocence and find Peter and kill him.

You are not a killer, Sirius Black.

The voice of a certain Hufflepuff entered his mind. The words had been spoken once when he was going after a few death eaters during an Order assignment.

The memory of him sitting close to Edgar that night in an abandoned hallway at Hogwarts was once again playing inside his mind - a light in the darkness for him at the moment, but it also seemed to attract a dementor. Sirius looked around in panic and then shifted to his animagus form, curling up on himself as he tried to focus on negative thoughts.

He reminded himself of the night everything went wrong. He remembered James' still body, a crying Harry in his crib trying to reach for his deceased mother. Instead of seeing Edgar's smiling face as it had been in his positive memory, he remembered his love after a mission where Edgar had been close to death. If it wasn't for Remus, he would've died. Guilt seeped through the memory as he remembered Remus. Loyal Remus that he had pointed his accusing finger towards even though he had done nothing wrong.

The Dementor did not assault him this time as it couldn't sense any positive emotions coming from the prisoner anymore. Sirius relaxed out of his animagus form, still curled up in the corner of his cell, hearing the insane cackling laughter of his cousin Bellatrix Lestrange echo through the prison walls as he fell asleep from exhaustion. Nightmares plaguing him for the next few hours.