Fingers Crossed (Synacky)

Epilogue

Zachary James Baker passed away on November 26, 2012 at 3:51 PM. He lived roughly 30 years, 350 days, 5 hours, and 19 minutes. And in that time, he played hundreds of concerts, and touched thousands of lives.

He was buried on November 29th, a clear, crisp day in Huntington Beach. His tombstone read, “Zachary James Baker, 1981-2012. Zacky shared a spark with this world, creating a flame that will never die out.”

His flame would never die out. Everyone he knew carried his flame, shared Zacky’s life with those who did not have the privilege to meet him. Brian placed by his grave a stuffed bear, with the letter Z on its stomach. Because it didn’t matter whether Zacky was in Brian’s arms, or in the ground, he’d always be Brian’s Zeebear. No matter what.

On December 11, Zacky’s birthday, Brian watched Alice in Wonderland and wrote a letter to Zacky, which he tied to a balloon and let go at the beach. He spent the evening with Zacky’s family, who were still as numb as he was.

He didn’t leave the house on Christmas. He didn’t decorate, didn’t do anything. Matt, Val, and River came by with something for him to eat, and a gift. It was a picture of him and Zacky that he didn’t even know existed. Zacky was sitting on Brian’s lap, they were in one of those old crappy lawn chairs Brian recognized from Warped Tour. Brian’s lips were on Zacky’s cheek, and Zacky was laughing, emerald eyes shining bright, crinkled at the edges, mouth open and in a huge grin. They both seemed oblivious to the photographer.

“I-I found that on an SD card that was lying around the house.” Val told him, “I must have taken it in what, 2005?”

Brian clutched the frame close to his chest. “It’s wonderful.” He whispered, “Thank you so much.”

He brought the picture with him when he wished Zacky a belated Merry Christmas the next day. He asked Zacky if he remembered what had been going on in the picture. Brian didn’t, but he loved it because it summed up their relationship perfectly.

He also brought Jimmy a Christmas gift while he was at the Good Shepherd cemetery. A demo of a song, one that he wanted on their next album. He sang the vocals, and played the guitar, recording himself in the studio. The guys would never see this, it was just for Jimmy.

However, he did let Zacky have a listen.

By February he had reached the point where he could fall asleep by himself with minimal nightmares. By April, he was babysitting River on a regular basis. The band talked about finding a new guitarist and finishing the album, but they never did. They officially broke up in May, 2013. By breaking up, they just quit making music. They were still best friends, and they still jammed together sometimes, Arin joining them.

Arin kept Vengeance University alive. The Zacky Vengeance remembrance shirt was the best seller.

And slowly but surely, everyone moved on. Sure, it was still painful, but they remembered how to get on with their everyday lives, how to keep their thoughts off of Zacky for 24 hours a day. Brian had an extremely difficult time with this. Months later it was still hard for him to get out of bed some mornings. But he managed.

Until one day, while dusting off a shelf in their bedroom, he noticed a note sticking out from behind a vase. It was an envelope, and it had his name on it, in Zacky’s nearly illegible scrawl. Brian snatched it up, fingers shaking as he struggled to open it, nearly dropping the paper that he pulled out.

It was a letter.

Zacky had written him a letter. It was beautiful and it pained Brian to read it and it made his heart swell and nearly burst with love for Zacky. It was wonderful to have new words, things he had never heard Zacky say. It was like a visit from his fiancé. Brian cried, wiping his tears away as quickly as they came, trying to prevent them from falling onto the page. In the letter Zacky assured Brian that he loved him, and reminded Brian that he had to be strong.

Zacky also reminded Brian to take advantage of every day victories. He got up feeling rested? Celebrate! He went a day without reaching for alcohol? Call someone to brag about it. He had to start feeling better about himself before he could start feeling better about Zacky leaving.

Brian had no clue that Zacky knew him so well, but he wasn’t surprised. It was his Zacky.

Brian framed the letter and put it on the wall. After he hung it, he stood back to look at it, a smile on his face. “I’ll be strong for you, Zee. You were strong for me, and now I’ll do my part.” He frowned, “It’ll take some time, but I’ll get there. I promise. And this is one promise I’ll never be able to break. It’s my last promise to you, Zee.” He paused, taking a deep shaky breath. “And I swear that I will never, ever let you down."