Anyway The Wind Blows

Chapter 4~ I'm Going Slighly Mad

Freddie's POV

John has been affecting me more than I thought lately and I'm not sure if I like it or not, I feel like I should confide in maybe Brian, I mean he's the first person I came out to. I will admit that in recent times I've caught myself thinking of John in provocative outfits, he's got quite a nice bum doesn't he? It really kills me when he wears his little shorts on stage and bounces around in them, I just wanna drop everything and run over to squeeze his cute little butt. I've also noticed more things about his actions like the way he always crosses his legs when he sits or always stands to one side with his hand on his hip. Honestly, I think I want to be more than just friends with John...

Johns POV

Everything has been weird now, Freddie, of course, acts like nothing has happened, but me, well i'm not too good at hiding my feelings. I've been feeling a bit sick, and I think it's because I'm keeping all these feelings deep down inside. We were at the studio once again and felt constantly on edge, worried of how I could handle my feelings. "Deaky are you sure you're fine?" Brian asked me with concern laced in his voice. "Yes." I replied weakly "Are you absolutely sure, you look a bit pale mate..."he repeated,"YES BRIAN IM FINE NOW CAN WE PLEASE JUST CONTINUE OUR SESSION" I snapped. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at me, shock was evident on everyone's faces, including my own, I didn't even think I would snap like that. Of course everyone else was shocked that quiet lil old Deaky yelled and the room soon became tense from the silence following my yells. I briskly walked out of the door from the studio with my head down, ignoring all the calls from inside. I felt guilty and upset and I just wanted to go home.

After I got home I made myself some tea and toast and sat down to take a deep breath, I know I should probably face my issues but eating was so much easier. I went into my room and waited for the rest of the boys to come back from the studio. After a few hours I heard the front door open and my body suddenly tensed hearing footsteps come down the hallway and stop in front of my door. Anxiety overtook me and I realized I wasn't ready to talk yet so I quickly and quietly got into my bed to pretend I was asleep. I slowed down my breathing and closed my eyes to make it seem believable as the door knob turned slowly. My heart became a bit heavy as I noticed Brian was opening the door and not Freddie. I could just sense the presence of a taller person, something Freddie is definitely not....I felt a dip in the bed as Brian sat down on it and I began to tense up a little. "Hey John, look I know you've been stressed lately, I'm not sure about what, but I just wanted to let you know that the boys and I are worried about you. I hope you know we love you and will support you matter what and I'm always here if you need to talk..." and with that he got up and left, probably trying to let me "sleep" in peace. After I heard the door close I got out of bed and heard the murmuring of the boys in the living room, I sat back down and stared at the wall thinking about what Brian had said, "...I'm always here if you need to talk." I decided to take him up on that offer and talk to him, I just didn't know when...

Freddie's POV

After we got home, Brian decided to go and talk to John, we all could see he was nervous, and I couldn't help but feel like I was the cause of it all. He has seemed so on edge ever since the cafe so we decided to give him some space after his little outburst at the studio. Brian and Roger started to grow concerned while I tried to stay calm as I knew what John was struggling with and I knew how to fix it, I just had to make John sure he wanted me. I watched with worried eyes as Brian knocked, then slowly opened Johns door. After a minute or so, he cane back out, his face still sad looking. "He was asleep..." Bri said sadly "Guys what's up with John? I've never seen him so nervous and upset before... I'm worried." "I don't know darling, it's just best we give him his space.." I said solemnly to try and act like I wasn't aware of what was going on. "Yeah good idea Fred" Roger commented.

Johns POV

After a while, I decided to go out and get food, unfortunately I need to eat to live, I just wanted to stay in my room forever and avoid Freddie. More now than ever I wished we all lived in separate flats. I walked out of my room with my head down to avoid eye contact with everyone. Making my way to the kitchen I found something to eat, and I looked up finally to reach for something in the cupboard and I could feel the boys eyes on me. I could feel my face heat up as I turned in the direction they were sitting, they all stared at me with concern in their faces which made my stomach turn into knots, I felt like I was suffocating, "John do you need to tal-""I'm going out for a walk" I sputtered out interrupting Brian mid sentence and I ran out the door grabbing my jacket, and leaving them once again.

Freddie's POV

"Shit guys" Roger commented "I know, I know, someone should go after him, really..." Brian said, " I will darlings, I know what's wrong.." And without a word I ran out the door to follow John ignoring what questions Brian and Roger might have had for me.

I walked and walked trying to find John in town, finally ending up at a local bar and walking inside to get away from the cold. There he was, standing up at the bar, with a drink in his hand, his back facing me. I walked up to John, and stood at the bar "You can't just drink your emotions away dear.." I said softly, "I'm sorry but could you please leave me al- Oh, Freddie..."John spat out sourly as soon as he turned around to see me standing there. "John I think we should talk" I spoke softly  trying to get him to listen to me. "I'm fine" He said monotonously, "John we should really- I'm fine, stop bugging me Fred" John said once again. I finally walked away after receiving a few looks. My heart felt heavy and I wanted nothing more than to hug John and tell him sorry but I couldn't, not until he was ready to face his feelings himself.

I decided to get a drink at the bar and after a few rounds I finally felt tipsy, getting some more to drink, I forgot what time it was and that the boys were probably back at the flat waiting for me. I wondered if John went home yet or if he was simply on the other side of the bar, I was too drunk to notice or care. I downed yet another drink as I felt two hands stick themselves on my hips. I tensed up and got ready to smack whoever was behind me until I saw that the man was none other than John himself. I looked up at him, smelling the alcohol on his breath and I realized he was drunk too and that we somehow just stayed at the same bar for hours not noticing each other. He took my hand and dragged me to the bathroom. He looked me up and down and slurred out a "fReDdie" as I laughed at him seeing as how he was much more drunk than I. I could tell he was trying to start something because sober John would never take initiative. I took a look at him and decided it would be best to just take him home after such an exhausting night, so we both stumbled down the street and back to the flat.

It was dark but I wasn't sure what time it was because when John and I walked in Brian and Roger were both sound asleep on the couch probably waiting for us to get home.  I dragged John to his room as he flopped onto his bed, trying to pull me down with him, "frEddieeee" He whisper giggled at me, "what dear?" I replied trying to not to get in bed with him. "I love yoU, but shh don't tell Fred" John said then passed out right in my arms. I was so shocked that I just tucked him in and closed the door softly. I just went into my room, trying to sleep but I couldn't, not after what John said, even if he was massively drunk. They say that people who are drunk say things they're too afraid to say out loud when they're sober, so maybe, those really were Johns actual feelings.

~ Sorry it took so long to update guys, if you want me to continue the story, let me know, I'm not sure if I should or not~