Best For Me | jensoo

Chapter 2

The sky outside was darkening with clouds as the evening swept in. Jennie stood at the kitchen window, dinner bubbling on the stove behind her, mind elsewhere. Mind, in fact, stuck in the playroom at St. John's and on one very, very cute brunette. She thought she heard the front door open and snapped out of it. What was she thinking? Turning to greet the intruder, she found the door firmly shut and Elly still on the floor watching cartoons with the subtitles on. Taking a moment to watch her, Jennie smiled. Every day her daughter was reading more and more quickly and it made Jennie so proud. She was definitely one smart kid. Of course she had to think that, though: wasn't every mother proud?

Not mine, she thought ruefully.

Sighing, she turned back to her washing up, glancing at the clock on the way. It was getting close to seven and she knew her husband would be late. Again. She pulled dinner off the stove before it was completely over-cooked and served up a portion for her daughter. Thinking about it for a second, she served herself up a portion, knowing that she'd end up eating alone otherwise. Jongin would just eat his in front of the television whenever he got home. She supposed it was understandable; he worked ridiculous hours.

Elly and Jennie had eaten, made it through bath-time – which was always fun – and were cuddled up on the young girl's bed reading a good-night story when the front door finally opened and shut. Jennie glanced up briefly and then, another sigh dying in her throat, finished the story. Tucking her daughter into bed, she played the tickle game, and then kissed her lightly on the forehead, leaving the door a crack open as she left.

Tonight, she didn't want to go down that corridor. Tonight, she didn't want to see Jongin and she couldn't really explain why. Things had been strained for a while but Jennie knew that was her fault as much as Jongin's. She had to make more time for him and make him make more time for his family. But tonight she was tired on the inside. Swallowing, she moved quietly towards the living room. Her husband was already on the couch, bowl of food in his hands, fork moving automaton-like from dish to mouth. His eyes were trained on the television. She noted that he'd turned the subtitles off, even though it meant Elly had to come find her the next day to get them turned back on. Heavy in heart, Jennie went and sat on the couch next to her husband.

"Eh-oh." With his mouth full, Jongin sounded like a Teletubby. He didn't look like one, even six years into their marriage. He was as fit as the day she met him, tall and handsome. Stretching his legs out on the coffee table, she took his now-empty bowl and washed it, staring out the window and wondering why she felt so empty. Going back to the couch, she stared at Jongin, trying to attract his attention. After ten minutes, she gave up and just interrupted him.

"I took Elly to the hospital today."

"Mmm," he said, sounding non-committal, his eyes trained on the television. A few seconds later, a confused look appeared on his face. "I thought she went last week. Dr. Jeong said she was fine."

"Yeah, this was for something else. A music class. There's this music therapist, really nice. She suggested we go along. It was amazing. She brought drums and other rhythm instruments so that Elly could feel the vibrations. She got totally involved, Jongin, it was awesome." It was at this point that Jennie realised that her husband wasn't listening to a word she was saying. "Jongin?"

"Huh?" He looked at her, eyes red with fatigue. "That's nice, hon."

"Yeah," said Jennie softly. Watching him for a moment more, his vision now back to the square box, she bit her lip. Then she went to bed and lay, staring at the curtain-covered window until she felt him fumble into bed. When she finally heard him snore, she closed her eyes and wept.

* * * * *

Deep inside, Jennie knew that she shouldn't be pursuing this. Over and over she told herself that it was for Elly. She was just checking out this art class for her daughter and that was it. It was a lie, but it was a lie that she chose to believe in. Otherwise, what the hell was she here for? To stare doe-eyed at some musician who, if she was even single, probably didn't even notice shy, not very special Jennie.