Happiness.
It was something you once craved so deeply, until you learned to endure the pain.
Before school in the morning, you'd gaze into your ceiling fan waiting to go back to bed.
You were ready.
Ready to put on your fake smile and "please the world".
Deep down you knew they knew the truth, but it didn't matter enough because you were pretending.
The only important thing is that you said you were fine and you weren't being a burden.
You thought to yourself, " Maybe I'd be better dead. Nobody notices me anyway. "
You're only here because you don't want your family to see you the way you see yourself.
Deep down you know they care.
Deep down, you know they want to help you even though they have trouble understanding you.
Deep down, you know you care about yourself.
You're just so tired.
Tired of waiting to be saved.
Nobody can save you of course, but you still wait. You wait for somebody to ask if you're okay even though it's so unlikely to happen.
And when they ask, you say you're fine. You're great, nothing can be better. You and they both know that's a lie, but they say "I'm glad anyways". You smile, they walk away.
Then you ask yourself, "what's the point in wanting to be saved if you can't even be honest with yourself?"
But the truth is, you don't want to hurt anybody in the way you hurt yourself.
You know you can't be saved.
You know the heavy lifting comes from within you, but you still depend on others.
You know it's so wrong, but it feels so right.
The smiles that form on your face when you're genuinely happy are so precious, but then you let things get to you.
Happiness.
Something you haven't found.
YOU ARE READING
Poems & stuff
Poetry- All of these are written by me, so if you'd like to use them, I ask that you give credit. - Also, if you like any of these it'd be much appreciated that you comment or vote on some of my pieces.
