Things aren't the way they used to be anymore. I'm not the person I once was. Although there may be lessons in our mistakes and journeys, there's also sadness and despair to come. It's not really hard to upset me, I'm a pretty indecisive and gullible person to be taken control of. Every time something happens to affect me, I usually get upset for a little while and get over it.
But now, I'm on a different level of my life and I'm stuck. I made a situation without fully knowing the cost of my life in it. I used to feel nothing at all, I was lost. I craved something so deep, just to feel something but I couldn't. The medication had taken over, they "fixed" me. It's what everyone wanted, right? Not to make sure I felt comfortable in my own skin, but just so I wasn't "sad anymore". That's all that matters. And with this decision I have made, it has now begun to stab me in the back. I see my decisions falling in reverse of my intentions. My thought process is pretty much ideal, when I see something I believe it's more than achievable when it's quite more than unrealistic. It's come to the point where I haven't been able to cry for months and now it's all I'm able to do. I'm out of touch with reality, it's my way or nothing.
I've begun to take everything personally again. I meet someone and I think I'm going to change their whole lives, almost as if they're my person, my property and possession. My normal facial expression is said to be sad/mad. People usually think I'm sad, which isn't incorrect. Even my mom asked me today if I was okay and why I looked so mad. I told her nothing was wrong, she didn't buy it but she also didn't ask again either.
People say friends are what keep you sane, but I feel quite the opposite because when someone new comes into my life it always leads me to self destruct mode. Everyone in my life has always found a way to belittle and underestimate my worth. Almost as everything that came from my mouth was a joke and not true.
I'm the girl who follows people around and talks too low for anyone to hear her because she thinks everything she has to say is stupid
and unimportant. Someone asks me to speak up, but I just say "never-mind", because it's far easier than embarrassing myself.
A/N: I apologize for not posting anything anymore, I guess I just lost motivation and faith in myself.
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