We'll Find A Way

*14*

Hospital Lights

My eyes slowly open to a blinding light causing me to close them again immediately. My body is sore and there's a sharp pain in my chest.

"(Y/N)? You awake?" I hear Ethan beside me and feel someone grab my hand. Opening my eyes again, I look around the room. Ethan is sitting next to me holding my hand and Mark, Tyler, Amy, and Katherine are sitting in chairs that line the wall behind Ethan. I try to say something to my friends but my throat feels too dry to do much of anything. "We're right here. It's okay."

I smile up at Ethan and Mark comes over to sit on the bed which I now realize is a hospital bed, covered by pale blue blankets. With a further glance I realize there's an IV in the back of the hand Ethan is holding and there are multiple wires coming out from under the ocean blue hospital gown I'm wearing.

"You gave us quite the scare there." Mark rests his hand on my leg and smiles slightly at me. "You feeling okay little one?"

"I'm sore," I manage to mutter even though my mouth is dry. "What-what happened?"

Ethan takes a deep breath and looks down at me sadly. "You almost died... You weren't breathing... They-they had to do surgery so you could breathe." Tears begin to fall down his cheeks.

My eyes grow wide and I feel myself start to panic. "Surgery? Wait no... Ethan please tell me you're lying." I begin to cry and try to curl up in a ball only to be stopped by Mark's firm grip on my leg.

"(Y/N) calm down. Please. You need to rest." Mark keeps his hold on my legs as he tries to calm me down. "Amy get the doctor please." Amy rushes out of the room and mark continues talking to me but I hear none of it as I continue to cry.

Surgery has always been one of my biggest fears. I never wanted to face it and finding out that I've had to is more than I can handle on top of everything else. Next thing I know, everyone is being cleared out of the room and a nurse standing next to me is the last thing I see before it all goes black.

When I open my eyes again only Ethan and Dr. Jakobs are in the room with me and there's no sign of the others.

"Ah, she's awake." Dr. Jakobs smiles at me. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great," I mutter.

"How so?" He opens a notepad and prepares to write.

"I'm sore. All over. And it hurts to breathe." My eyelids feel heavy and I close my eyes again.

The doctor scribbles something down on his paper and continues talking to me for a while before he mentions the surgery. "Mr. Nestor mentioned that he may have let slip what happened when you came in the other day."

"Wait the other day?" I look over at Ethan who has been silent the entire time. His face is red and there are lines going down both cheeks from tears.

"You came in three days ago because you passed out due to an inability to breathe. When we looked into what was causing your inability we found a tumor blocking the airflow to your lungs. In order to save you, we had to do emergency surgery to remove the tumor." As he's explaining the situation, he keeps his eyes on his notes at almost all times. "The cancer is spreading to your heart and it is crucial we act now in order to stop it from getting even worse." He glances between Ethan and I before asking if we have any questions. Having no questions, Dr. Jakobs excuses himself and leaves Ethan and I to talk.

"I'm sorry I freaked out on you..." I look over at Ethan who still has yet to move from his spot.

"No, I shouldn't have said anything. They had to sedate you and it's all my fault." I see a tear slip down his cheek. "I should have brought you to the doctor when you were dizzy in the car."

"Ethan..." I sit up only to cry out from the searing pain in my chest and fall back to the bed. "Come here," I call him over, too afraid to move much. Ethan shifts from his seat the the rolling chair the doctor had recently vacated. "It's not your fault. I pushed it further than I should have. I've always rested when I have dizzy spells like that and I didn't. You tried to stop me but I wouldn't listen."

"I'm just so happy you're okay." Ethan takes my hand in his hand and gently squeezes it. We begin to talk about anything and everything, just to keep me distracted before talking about more serious matters. By the time we bring up any sort of treatment, visiting hours are over and Ethan is forced to go home and leave me to attempt to get some rest. As soon as I'm alone, I'm unable to focus on anything but what's to come. Treatment is harsh and if the cancer is spreading I have a much lower chance at making it through this. At least if I die, I'll have Ethan and Mark by my side.

My mind wanders more and more as it gets later into the night and I think about just what I have to do to deal with everything that's happening. I want to fight for Ethan's sake. He's given up so much for me. Then again maybe it would be best if I'm gone so he doesn't have to give anything else up. But then it would all have been for nothing. I have to show Ethan that it wasn't all for nothing. I have to give him a reason to have done everything that he has. He saved me. He's still saving me.