Olly, Olly

Chapter 18. The Letter.

Oliver never mentally made it home but a letter that he carried home did, his family had never seen it before until after he died. It was a one-page letter in an envelope addressed to his family that he kept folded up in the chest pocket in his uniform, soldiers do this in case something happens to them on the line of duty. The envelope was folded behind the same pictures he had shared with me— the day in his room when he first opened up to me. Wrapped around the letter and pictures was the torn piece of pamphlet his mother used to write her prayer that she had hidden in his bag the day he left for boot camp. A blue rubber band was wrapped around holding everything together. After his funeral, Lily was mourning in his room and she found the envelope and realized that he had recently added another letter to the pocket over his heart.

The Letter...

Aria,

As I stare at this blank page, I find myself struggling to start to write these words. My desire is that I am only reiterating words. Words, that hopefully, I have already said enough times, that you've come to believe them. Words, I hope I made you come to understand, feel and live— in the time we had together. Words, I pray, you won't forget— although I would say them forever if given the chance.

-I love you, I have always loved you and always will love you!-

My only true regret in life was not having the courage to love you sooner. I regret all the time I have lost— waiting until I made the first move. Okay, I know— you made the first move asking me on that walk— although technically it was Abuela, she was a great wingman. For this, I am eternally indebted and thankful to her.

I've chosen to leave because I can't find my place here, after all, I have seen, lived and done; this place isn't home anymore. I fear that I only brought burdens to my family, friends and especially you. I can't continue to pass on the weight I carry, to you all. Please forgive me and know that...

-You were the 'best part' of trying to come home! The moments I spent with you helped find some normalcy even if for brief moments, but as much as I wanted them to last, they never did— and for that reason, I have chosen to leave this life. Home is fleeting.

Ari, if I know you— tears are running down your face as you read this letter and this is my last regret— ever making you cry.

The first time I left to boot camp I left thinking of you, this time around is no different I leave already missing you— I will forever love you, even from afar.-

p.s. 'It was always you!'

-Love always, Ollie-

We spent all of our childhood trying to get out of this town— but as an adult, all I wanted to do is come home. I'm sorry, I wasn't able to find my way home to you.