Why I Am No Longer Christian

Introduction, Part 4

The third and final seed of doubt succeeded in germinating and taking root.

It happened gradually after I began posting Christian and an Ally. Similar to how dominoes knock each other over or how a snowball grows as it rolls downhill, doubt built up until I couldn't ignore it anymore. The two biggest components were the devout Christians I met on Wattpad, especially in the comments, and the extensive research I did on Christianity and religion in my free time.

I had hoped that Christians who read Christian and an Ally would come out on the other side more knowledgeable, more open-minded, and more understanding of their LGBTQ+ brethren, even if I hadn't changed their minds. But instead, I was bombarded with hundreds of comments calling me names (e.g., "the type of lukewarm Christian Jesus warned about," "basically an atheist," "a half-Christian half-atheist hybrid," etc.), telling me that I was leading people astray and if I didn't stop I was going to hell, and even accusing me of holding hands with the devil. They missed my message of love and tolerance and instead twisted my words, thinking that I meant that they should feel eros (erotic love) for the queer community instead of agape (universal, unconditional love). They even tried to claim that they were being loving by telling other people that they were going to hell!

Another thing that struck me was the willful ignorance of many evangelical Christians on Wattpad. Many of them were young-earth creationists with a strong distrust or dislike of science and a strong belief in biblical literalism and pseudoscience. They made unscientific claims about how homosexuality was "harmful" or how evolution was "just a theory," sending me links to sites that are the laughingstock of the scientific community, like Answers in Genesis or its related Creation Museum. Yet they would point out illogicalities in other religions without batting an eye. Anything that bolstered their worldview was treasured, while everything else was trashed. I soon discovered that it is impossible to have a debate with someone who rejects science and openly admits that nothing will ever sway them from their religion.

Now, it goes without saying that not every Christian in my comment section was so toxic. I had several respectful debates with well-meaning, good-hearted people, and a handful of people even ended up changing their minds on homosexuality! But they were in the minority.

Greater in influence than the toxicity of the evangelical Christian community was the knowledge I gained in my free time. After I delved deeper into debates on biblical inerrancy for my book, I was drawn to study other aspects of the religion I had blindly believed all my life. I researched everything: biblical errors, the history of how the Bible came together and who wrote it, the Holy Trinity, the history of the early Church, different sects of Christianity, "heretical" Christian beliefs, the writings that didn't make it into the Bible, the basics of other religions, the concept of the afterlife, near death experiences (NDEs), arguments for and against God, evolution and cosmology, human sexuality, conversion and deconversion experiences... My hunger for knowledge grew and grew, and the more I studied, the less I believed in religion of any kind, much less Christianity.

The final straw that broke the camel's back was a book that my dad brought home for me to read. He knew that I love books on religion (I had just ordered ten or so of them on Amazon) and thought I would find it interesting. It was Faith Versus Fact: Why Science And Religion Are Incompatible by Jerry A. Coyne. I found the book so engrossing that I stayed up until five o'clock in the morning reading it. And when I reached the last page, I realized something groundbreaking: I was no longer Christian. I was agnostic.