Grand Finale || r.r. + b.u.

seven

blood.

i woke up to blood all over my sheets and my vision blurry. the panic finally set in when i felt the sharp pains coming from everywhere in my body. i had only closed my eyes for a second last night, but now i think i'm dying for real.

something in me prayed to whatever god might exist that this is all just a nightmare, as i reached for my phone. i know that i don't really like phone calls, but if i'm dying right now there's only one person i want to speak too.

"hey babe, i thought you didn't like phone calls?" brendon asked, a little bit of concern glassing over his tired sounding voice.

"c-can you come over?"

"i'll be there in five minutes tops, don't hang up i'm not fucking losing you." i hear him grab something and head to his care and all i can do is laugh weakly at his reply.

"please tell me you're okay." i hear i'm whisper into the line.

"everything is fine." i reply, heading to the bathroom.

my hands are shaking again and i hear brendon start his car through the phone. i sink to the floor and try my best to slow my breathing.

"babe, deep breaths. please please please don't die i don't know what the hell i'll do without you." brendon whispers into the phone.

"i'm not gonna die, bren, i'm just-" my words are interrupted by my own coughing, as if there's no air in my lungs. "i'm just freaking out." i finish, mostly trying to convince myself i'm not dying.

"don't talk, just breathe please." he says, and i don't say anything in reply. i just listen to him tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "i'm almost to your place just stay there."

i know i'll be okay, i just want him here just in case i cant move anymore. i look at the flowers on my legs and rest my head against the wall.

deep breathing.

i hear my front door open and brendon's footsteps from up the stairs as the phone call ends.  he stands in the doorway, wearing one of my hoodies i gave him and his hair is a mess, as if he'd been pulling at it in an anxious fit. it looks like i woke him up when i called him.

"holy shit, ry." he sounds like he can barely even talk. "i'm gonna go get you some water, and holy shit are you bleeding? i'll get some bandages too." he runs out of my room again and i can hear him hyperventilating and trying to calm himself down.

this isn't what i wanted. when i met brendon i thought everything would be normal and i expected everything to be fine but now i'm fucking dying and he always sticks around even though he knows what's going to happen.

"ryan, hey, look at me." i hear him from beside me as he cups my head in his hands. "drink some water and i'm gonna clean you up okay?" i just nod. i'm supposed to be strong like i usually am. i'm supposed to be threatening and people are supposed to be afraid of me but the flowers have taken me over from the inside out.

i just nod in response and brendon runs his fingers through his hair anxiously.

"you're cold." he says when he grabs my hands. i don't know what he expected, im usually cold,especially my hands. people used to always hate that.

"i always am."

"not like this." he insists. cleaning up the blood from my knees. "you were picking st them again, weren't you?" he says sadly. i don't even remember if i was or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. when i kept thinking about ending everything by ripping the flowers from my skin i always caught myself picking at the smallest ones subconsciously.

brendon always hated when i did that because it worried him, and with good reason. i would always compare it to him smoking, because he knows damn well that it'll kill him, and then he gets that sad look in his eyes. we're both destroying ourselves and we both know that we're doing it. 

when he's done he looks at me one more time, worry slowly washing away from his face.

"ry, can you stand?" he asks timidly.  i watch him as he cracks his knuckles and plays with his hair.

i try to pick myself up slowly, doing my best to ignore my legs shaking furiously. he puts one arm around my waist to support me as we go to me bed.

it funny because usually when he and i are here we're having the time of our lives and i'm not dying. i almost laugh or smile at the thought but i don't when i can feel brendons hands shaking.

"try to get some rest love, i'll be right next to you in the morning." he whispers.

i do my best to sleep again.