The Ebb of my Mind

It was a quiet night when I was walking home from work. The streets were empty except for a quail that seemed out of place, houses were dark, the only light on was the street lights. I had a very grueling day at work; papers, after papers, after papers were thrown my way. My lively, spirited energy and confidence has been ebbed away. It has actually been ebbed for a long time. I have been passive, apathetic, sheepish, and alone. I used to try and bring myself back up to good spirits when I caught myself being this way but this time I decided to plunge right into my depression and recede into myself. I just didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't have the will to get better, yet I don't want to stay in this state. I want to leave, I want to move on, yet, I can't. So, I just go through each day in repetition. Waking up, going to work, coming home, and repeat. I have been pensive with my own identity and trying to find the meaning to questions that I know I will never have an answer but I only addle myself. In this glen of my own mind, I have tried to climb the walls out of it but only find that it's a bluff. There is a canopy above you keeping you trapped, forced to walk through this trench between two places, a trench between depression and happiness in which you will never be able to reach the end of. I have managed to go far in Trench but I eventually got pulled back suddenly. Now, I'm choosing to be sedentary. Staying in my depression. I have become a spendthrift of happiness, and a miser of the bad and I have been loyal to this. With each passing day, my depression surges more, it's so hard to keep going but I know I must. If I lose to myself now, it would absolutely destroy my mother. When I finally arrived at the door to my apartment I sighed. I am finally where I belong. Home is where I can just let go of everything I'm feeling. It was the size of a garret but it was just enough for me. I walked in and immediately sat in front of my laptop. I pulled up a new document and just let the words flow out of me. I just got rid of all the emotions I was feeling.