Welcome to my somewhat personal book full of methods of self-recovery. This idea has been in my mind for a long time but finally, I am in a place to make it come to life. Follow me through the ups and downs of a self-recovery while I tell you my sto...
You ruined my lipstick, I ruined your life, you ruined my dreams, I ruined your love.
23.1. 2k19
Philophobia, a fear of falling in love. I stumbled across this term while searching for methods I could try. The more complex meaning of the term Philophobia is that it is a mood disorder followed by a persistent abnormal and unjustified fear of love, falling in love or getting emotionally involved. It can cause anxiety, discomfort or in some cases even panic attacks.
I didn't want to write another chapter about love but reading about this disorder fascinated me, and they suggested some methods in fighting Philophobia which sounded interesting. So I decided to give it a try and write one more chapter with the theme of love.
The dangerous thing about Philophobia is that if not treated it can cause complications such as depression, drug and alcohol abuse, social isolation or suicide. And it's understandable because love has such an important emplacement in today's society that not being able to fall in love can affect one's thinking. They might happen to think they don't belong and they cannot live a fulfilling life while suffering from a disorder.
I don't support self-diagnoses but I can tell I slightly relate to the symptoms listed for the disorder and so I want to try out the treatment of the disorder. I think what makes me different from people who view love in a healthy way is that I don't see love as something beautiful. Although in the rational part of my mind I know that love is beautiful and strong and needed, I can't imagine myself falling in love or being in a relationship. It is difficult to describe because reasoning, I know that the way I feel is wrong and that my opinion on love is wrong and affected by many factors, but I don't know how to change my mind and the way I feel.
We all can love, we all can feel emotions. Unless you're suffering from major mental disorder you are the only thing that's stopping you from loving and feeling the pain and the excitement of emotions of love. Imagine the thing that's stopping you from being able to feel love as a cloud hovering above your head and love as a sun. The cloud is throwing shade at you and it is blocking the rays of sunshine to hit you and warm you up. Imagine being able to just swat away the cloud and seeing the bright light of the sun (let's pretend it wouldn't burn your eyes out). Well to be able to swat away the said cloud, you need to fight your fear. And here is what I tried this time.
METHOD
Acknowledge the reasons for your fear of love and make what-if scenarios
Recognize which beliefs or thoughts cause this fear. Ask questions about your potential relationship and the ways it could possibly go.
I asked myself this:
What is the reason for my fear of love?
What can I do about these?
What if a relationship doesn't work out?
What happens next?
Am I still okay?
My answers:
The reasons for my fear of love:
Low self-esteem, difficult breakup, confusion about my sexual identity, fear of the unclear future
What I can do about it:
I can write down my strong sides and work on the lacking and weak ones.
I can focus on the lessons learned from the breakup rather than the pain it brought.
I can challenge myself to accept my identity and to learn to feel valid without labelling myself.
I can make out plans for the near future.
What if a relationship doesn't work out?
If it is possible, we will work out a way to still be in touch. I'll be hurt and my self-esteem will drop.
What happens next?
I'll be alone, isolated, focussing on myself and the things that make me happy until the major part of the heartbreak fades. I'll delete my social media or I will not look at the other person's pictures and profile.
Am I still okay?
I believe I will. It takes time and a lot of will. I want to be okay and I will be one day.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
(Method 2)
How am I feeling after practising the method?
6/10
Asking and answering the questions helped me recognize the reasons for my fear of love and attachment. Making out ways I can improve and possibly eliminate the factors affecting my love life was interesting and creative. It made me realize that there is always way out of a difficult situation.
This was the last chapter dedicated to love for some time, I want to focus on self-esteem and future plans next.
If you tried the method, tell me if it worked out for you or not. My DMs and comments are always open. See you next time. Keep up and stay strong.
