How to stop being sad or my journey to happiness

Method 3: Make alternatives to your bad habits or why my hand hurts

Forgiving you was easy, forgiving the world was harder, forgiving myself was impossible.

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Bad habits, everybody has one. Most of the times, they are harming to you and your body, but not in a serious matter. Other times, they can get pretty serious and can cause several problems to you both mentally and physically. 

I've been brought up in a simple way which went by the rule: You do something wrong, you get punished. Don't misinterpret this as me accusing my parents of abusing me as a child, no, they were and still are sweet, kind and fair. I'm simply trying to show you how something so innocent and something that seems so right, can turn into something very wrong and sick. 

For a person who has been overly insecure and nervous ever since they realized the world isn't only sunshine and rainbow, which means maybe like 4th grade, the simple rule "You do something wrong, you get punished." became something that took over my brain. For someone who thinks the majority of the things they've done are wrong and therefore they should get a punishment, yet their parents won't give them any because they don't think they deserve one, life can get 10 times more difficult just because of it. Imagine these two working together, one creating a reason from the smallest bumps and the other one demanding you to cause harm to yourself for it. Perfect teamwork right?

Feeling regrets for making someone else feel bad, or for failing at something is normal. What is not normal is for connecting the rule of punishments and these kinds of situations. There is also a difference in purposely doing something wrong and to do something wrong unintentionally. We should always apologize and try to make up for the mistakes but we shouldn't beat ourselves up for it too hard.

For the longest time, I've always felt the need to punish myself after either not making a sad person happy, or not being successful in school, making a mistake while playing the piano or many other reasons. You name it, I felt guilty for it. And I still do, but I yet know that it is ridiculous to feel like that and I won't punish myself, because I know I shouldn't. But that makes me feel uneasy and makes the guilty thoughts stay. 

So what is my bad habit? Punishing myself, thinking it will make up for the mistakes I've made. Thinking of it as repayment. I made somebody else hurt? I'll make myself hurt and everything will be okay again. 

That is not how it works. I think everybody who is reading this realizes how stupid my ideology is and if you have the same, I hope you knew before reading this and if not, you know now. There is always a way to make up for your mistakes. By proving that you can do better, by working harder, by trying harder.

METHOD

Make alternatives to your bad habits

Take the bad habit of yours which you've decided on changing and find a way to turn it into a healthier option.

My bad habit: 

Punishing myself for making mistakes

My alternative:

Instead of punishing myself where it is harmful, I write down "I forgive myself." as many times as I feel like I deserve. It will both be unpleasant, because my hand will start hurting after a while, so I will feel like I repaid for my mistakes, but it will also maybe make me believe that I deserve to forgive myself.

(My alternative punishment)

How am I feeling after this method?

7/10

I'm actually surprised how good this method was. It really felt like a punishment, but having to write and look at the sentence "I forgive myself" so many times and for so long  somehow made me feel better. 

Let me know if you've tried this and if you have a bad habit you'd like me to help you change, DM me or comment and well figure out a healthier option for you together.