Here I am standing and watching the sunshine slowly touch my face. Nothing is more relaxing than watching the rising sun. I grew the habit of watching the sun rise and set. It reminds me of my Mom because she used to do this when she is still alive. I hate watching the sunrise and sunsets when I am still a little girl. But after Mom died, Dad and I changed.
Not in our relationship, of course. Dad and I have the same relationship but who am I kidding. Nothing is ever the same without Mom.
I will not witness her smile while I come home from school. I won't get to taste her home cooking anymore. I won't get the chance to hug and kiss her before I sleep.
I miss how she used to comb my hair when I have nightmares. I miss how she sings to me when I can't sleep. I miss how she makes everything feel okay.
I really miss her.
How i wish to turn back time and tell her how much I love her. How I wish that she'd be here holding me tight and telling me not to cry.
I sighed and wiped my tears that are falling continously on my cheeks.
After Mom died, everything changed.
The house doesn't have that happy ambiance anymore. Dad got busy with work. And I am left alone in the house everyday. Sometimes Dad will come home sad and just hug me tight while talking about their memories with Mom, then after that I will lie on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room while crying silently.
We are really broke ever since Mom died. I can't bear seeing Dad so broke like this. I always make sure that he is smiling.
We hike, do outdoor activities to keep our thoughts from running again.
We already accepted that Mom is gone but there never be a day that we didn't wish that this is all a dream. That we will wake up that she is just right here with us.
She is our light. Our hope. Our little ray of sunshine.
Now only sunspots remain.
