Apollo
I stared blankly at the coffin slowly going down under the ground. No tears coming from my eyes yet I am grieving inside. I am numb. I am hurt but I don't want anyone to know that I am weak.
My mom is my reason to live. She is my light.
I laughed humorlessly. Paano ko nga ba makakalimutan e namatay siya ng wala manlang pasabi sa amin.
We are all shocked at the news. No one knows the whole story so naturally as if they all know, they tell their kind of story about my mothers death.
How selfish of them. Just to grant the satisfaction of wanting to know what happened, they will make up stories based on what they heard? Base on their own imagination.
Hypocrites.
Many people attended the burial of my mom but I have no humor left in me to thank them for their sympathy and effort of going here. I don't want to converse with anybody none other than my dad.
As if nothing happened, Dad seem a little okay when it comes to physical appearance than I am today. I don't care. Let them judge all they want. Give them their satisfaction. Besides I don't care anymore.
I just stared at the coffin and imagined mom embrasing me. Suddenly a tear slid under my eye. I didn't bother to wipe it or give attention to it. I can't think of anything right now.
As the coffin begins to be buried by dirt, slowly raindrops poured over my head and instantly, it rained hard.
All I have in my heart now is hate because of what happened. All I have now is guilt that neither I don't know anything about my Mom's death. Dad just called me that day.
I am running across the corridor of my school. There are no students left because the awarding is all finished. I just forgot my t-shirt inside my locker. Funny that I did'nt realize it till I saw Ellie putting her t-shirt inside her duffel bag.
How can I forget? Ugh great job, Lilie. Having awards but seriously? Forgetting your t-shirt? Galing din.
I ran faster and opened my locker to grab my t-shirt. I was about to slid it inside my bag when my phone rang. I quickly picked it up and saw Dad.
"Hello, Dad! Good afternoon!"
"Lilie.." his voice was a bit raspy.
"Daddy? Are you okay? Is something wrong?"
"It's your Mom, anak..."
I was shocked to the point that I can't move.
No! Mom!
I massaged my head. Siguro kaya masakit ang ulo ko kasi hindi ako nakakatulog ng maayos. I keep getting nightmares more often than I used too. Mas lumala na siya ngayon after Mom died.
Nakauwi na kami ni Papa sa bahay but neither of us talked about what happened. This silence is disturbing yet comforting. Gusto kong kausapin si Dad but the moment I turned to his side I felt a warm hug embrcing my body.
There I cried so hard. Dad buried his face in my neck and cried also. I can't help to cry silently. This is what I want Mom to do. She used to hug me like this. She used to give me this hugs whenever I feel sad.
"Dad! Why does it have to be now? Why does it have to be like this? Ang sakit... Ang sakit sakit, Dad. Sobrang sakit.. "
Walang imik si Dad. Umiyak lang siya ng umiyak sa balikat ko.
Nang tumigil ang luha ko sa paglabas ay doon na namanhid ang puso ko. Doon na ako nagsimulang nanlamig. Wala na ang init para unti unting naglalamig at nagiging yelo.
