break • t.k. ✓

ʀᴇᴀsᴏɴ ᴛᴡᴏ

dear kim taehyung,

my second reason of breaking up with you is your friends. your goddamn friends that act as even more twisted versions of the seven sins and whisper in your ear of what to do.

before we began dating, i knew about the people you hung around with, but you never let me near them. you always told me how much they wanted to meet me, but you didn’t want them near me because you knew how innocent i was compared to them. you said it yourself, “innocence and sins don’t mix.”

you always made sure your friends never came near me in fear of them doing something to me when it was you that ended up doing so many things to me.

i always wonder how i never would’ve thought you’d turn out to be just like them. you would hang out with them, so why did i never thought you’d be like them deep down inside?

you were a wolf in sheep’s clothing and i fell for it. i wish i wasn’t blinded by your sweet and caring side so i could’ve noticed your true self; the cruel and devilish version of you.

when we first got together, you were even more caring than you were when we were just friends, but when your friends were near you’d act completely different.

your soft and warm hand would tighten on mine and turn burning hot. your sweet cheek kisses turned into wet kisses on my lips, making me feel uncomfortable yet you didn’t care. your hugs that make me feel safe and small started making me feel small and like prey.

and eventually, you acted as if anyone could be watching and completely turned into my devil after being my angel.

i always held hope of never seeing your friends, but you were always with them so i had to always be with them. most of the time, they smoke and drink various alcoholic drinks and you’d drink and smoke with them. eventually your friends started telling me to join in and you’d always say, “he’s too much of a pussy to do anything, but i love him like that.”

but, one terrible night at that stupid house, you started to join in on pushing me towards joining you all in the smoking and drinking. i was already scared of your friends pressuring me, but for you to join in, instead of somewhat defending me like before, made me terrified beyond belief.

i started to feel like the scents around me were driving me crazy and making me feel as if i was choking. i could hear my parents’ voices echoing in my head to be a good boy and stand up for myself, but when you grabbed my arm forcefully then pulled me against you, my fear intensified.

“be a good little boy and do what they say.” you whispered venomously in my ear. i wanted to break down and scream, yet i couldn’t because of my fear. i simply nodded and took the cigarette from your friend’s hand then inhaled the smoke. i started choking and your friends cheered as you hugged me. “see what i mean? he’s too much of a pussy to say no, and that’s just the way i love him.”

i hate how my heart fluttered at you saying you loved me when it was so obvious your previous feelings for me shifted into a whole new thing.

a thing that made me feel less human with each day with you.

after i calmed down and i was pressured to drink two beer cans in a row, you asked me if i was okay. i told you i was fine and you just nodded and said, “cool.” before talking with your best friend, yoongi again.

that’s when i realized you truly were gone or i was in an alternate reality where your previous self never existed.

you didn’t try to make me feel happy or comfortable after all that happened. you kept touching me and handing me pills and shots of liquor. i felt empty as i took the things you gave me without a care.

i woke up the next morning hungover and feeling as if death tore my soul from my body when it was you who did that to me.

the thing i found ironic is how you left me in the middle of having sex to go help your friend who pissed off some stranger and needed help. you looked so worried and i thought it was because you loved him more than me, but you didn’t touch him the way you did me. plus, he was in his own relationship and you only ever went places with me or your friends. you denied so many people just because you had me, the perfect submissive little boy who was willing to lose his soul to love you.

i hated how dedicated you were to me, despite how much i would be hurt if you cheated on me or broke up with me to be with someone else. i wanted you to be the one to call it off, but it didn’t seem like you had intentions of letting me go.

it still doesn’t.

that’s why i am writing these letters filled with reasons why we can’t be together anymore, because it’s up to me to end things.

at first, i believed we could be just friends after we break up since you’re an amazing friend. you care about your friends and willingly do anything to make them happy, but when it comes to your own boyfriend, you do things for yourself.

i wish your amazing friend skills could be applied to your relationship with me, but obviously you can’t do that.

so, i choose to be nothing more than a friend that you see once in a while. not best friends since that’ll lead to us being right back to here. this moment of hate and lack of love.

not close friends since it’ll lead to best friends then right back to here.

just a person you see once in a while because i don’t want to be close to you anymore, but not entirely cutting ties with you.

after seeing who you really are, i don’t want to be close to you ever again.

i want you to respect me when i tell you this, and i hope you tell your precious friends the same thing.

fuck you.

fuck your friends.

i hope you all burn in hell for all you’ve said and done.

your scaredy-cat,

jungkook.