If there were ever a desperate heart, it pounded in the chest of Forth. He was consumed and in love but he couldn't find the man who was causing his pain.
There were other forces at work here. People who would see them torn apart.
Beam had slip...
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The bathroom was clouded with thick steam. It condensed on the mirror into droplets that ran down, they left thin lines on the fogged glass. He stared at them and was calculating which would collect enough water and begin to move first.
Part of his promise to his mother was to be kind. That, for Beam, was easy. Being pleasant and friendly came naturally and it was always returned. Beam didn't have problems with anyone, that is to say, in the world beyond his home.
The courage part was far more difficult and as he thought about it, Beam had not put that into practice nearly enough. He thought maybe Guzel would have been a better person had he had the courage to stand up to her and explain his principles. She might have a heart and understand why the kitchen was more than a charity project for Beam, it was a way of life. Maybe it was his own fault that Guzel was difficult and sometimes malevolent.
Beam still wanted to believe his mother and that if he kept his promises, magic would come into his life. He was sure that his mother loved him, and, there was no way that she would lead him to believe in something that wasn't real. Beam could never accept that.
"I have to say sorry to P'Forth too. Cc was right, I was unfair. I reacted too fast and was hurt."
He closed his eyes once more and honed his apology. Beam narrated how he wanted it to be in his mind...
"Forth and I will be facing each other. He'll watch me as I cross the distance between us. I'll tell him that I was wrong, and I'll mean it. I'll tell him that I'm too sensitive about the kitchen and my mom, and then I'll explain why. I won't cry, but I will tell him that I'm sorry, so sorry."
He wasn't aware of it, but as he was practising his sorry, Beam had slid deeper into the water. His ears were beneath the surface. He could hear his own heartbeat. The version of Forth that Beam was imagining, was the one he told Chewy about, the day he crashed into the kitchen and into Beam's life.
Beam could still recall exactly what Forth was wearing, his shoes, his jacket, his jeans. With his eyes closed, Forth's scent came back to him. The disparity between Forth's freshness and the hazy rank of all the cooking spices and food, were unforgettable.
"Forth will grab me and hug me, and tell me he doesn't care... he'll ask me if he can kiss me, and I'll say yes."
Beam sat up fast in the tub and cupped both hands in the hot bubbly water. He splashed it on his face. He talked to himself again... "I'm a degenerate. Why do I have a hard-on?"
...
Beam scurried from the bathroom to his bedroom. He covered his excited part strategically with his basket of toiletries. Once the door was closed, he breathed a sigh that no one saw him. Kork appeared to be out of the house and Gull was in his bedroom. He could hear Guzel downstairs, she was screeching along with music that was playing.
